


Beyond The Lenses; Beyond The Canvas

by nattycookies09



Category: Monsta X (Band), Super Junior, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotions, Fluff, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Minor Injuries, Orphans, Past, Relationship(s), Romance, Slice of Life, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:43:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8772328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nattycookies09/pseuds/nattycookies09
Summary: Two impoverished art students from the prestigious Korea National University Of The Arts struggle to make ends meet as they reside in their tiny rooftop apartment located in the streets of Gangnam. Their names are Shin Hoseok, or better known as Shin Wonho, who majors in Contemporary Art, and Yoo Kihyun, who majors in Visual Art. They may seem different in many ways, but they have one thing in common. That would be the fact that they had come from the same orphanage and now struggle to find their place in Korea's fast-paced society. Despite their personal struggles, they find themselves constantly supporting one another in their respective triumphs and tragedies. Eventually, it grows to become something bigger amidst the chaos and the answer on what it is, is simple.This is their story. Two orphans, two hearts, will they become one?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> The reason I wrote this was simple and that is because I am on my holidays now and had nothing to do so I googled for possible prompts and ta-daa! This was something that really appealed to my taste and hence, I decided to create a story with the prompt :) 
> 
> I had gotten into Monsta-X quite recently, only to find out that there were just not enough fanfictions about them, let alone my favourite OTP, Kiho (Kihyun x Wonho). Therefore, they were my chosen OTP for this story to spread the love and publicise this adorable ship :> And also because it suits their personalities pretty well too!
> 
> With that, I hope you'll enjoy reading this fanfiction as much as I loved writing it ^^ If you did, feel free to subscribe or leave a comment in the comment box below :) Your support would be greatly appreciated and that would definitely encourage me to keep writing and keep this passion alive of creative writing :) Thank you for reading and once again, I hope you guys would enjoy this story ^^ 
> 
> Lastly, this fanfiction is also available on asianfanfics.com and here's the link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1200320/beyond-the-lenses-beyond-the-canvas-angst-donghae-romance-kihyun-wonho-kiho-monstax (for those who prefer to use AFF) 
> 
> P.S. I'm a fairly new user of AO3 so do be patient with me as I try to figure out this brand new platform >.< I will do my best, nevertheless, to make you guys happy. :)

It was a late summer night with the usual cool breeze and the moon that nestled comfortably between the clouds. As I walked through the trees of the Hangang Park, I noticed the moonlight filtering through the leaves of the trees and it gave the usual path an ethereal glow on this very night. For some, it might be considered as “eerie”, but personally, it was what brought me to an instant calm. I took a deep breath of the summer breeze that caressed my face and felt the tension in my shoulders ease.

It was as if all stress had been taken away by the nature around me. Unfortunately, I knew that it would not be that way when reality hit me like a tidal wave. Every step I took was equivalent to one step lesser to the tiny rooftop apartment that I shared with Hoseok, better known as Wonho, and that was where some of life’s problems began.

Therefore, I decided that I needed to collect my thoughts as I walked, so I dropped by the local convenience store to grab a cup of instant hot chocolate and a soft cookie to match, before taking a seat by the riverside and looked at the city lights across the river. Soon, I found myself slipping into my past and allowed my thoughts to consume me. Closing my eyes, I began to recall all the memories that I had made once I had stepped outside of the comfort zone; the orphanage.


	2. In The Beginning

Wonho and I; we are best friends, or at least we used to be. In fact, we had been friends for as long as I could remember and if I was correct, it had probably been more than 7 solid years. Coming from the same orphanage did play its part in the origins of our friendship; he came in at the age of 10, when his parents had passed on in a tragic accident and he was the only survivor. His family members remained uncontactable and to this day, he continues to assume that his grandparents despise him for taking away their beloved son. 

As for me, I came in at the age of 15, after being discovered that I had come from an abusive environment. My mother ran away from home when I was 10, and it soon took a toll on my father, who vented his anger on me at every opportunity. When I took the courage to run from home, I fell unconscious right in front of the administrator’s eyes and was found with two broken ribs, a broken left arm and a countless number of bruises and scars.

Eventually, my father was taken away by the long arm of the law, and was to be in prison for as long as I could remember. It was not a life sentence, but it might as well have been, considering his age and the years of sentence that he would have to serve. Sure, it was difficult accepting the fact that I no longer belonged to a happy and loving family, but I seemed to find home in the orphanage straight away with Wonho’s company.

We had been sent to the same junior high school and eventually found that we had similar interests, especially in the Art scene. He was a talented artist of sorts with his deft fingers holding onto brushes of various sizes and thicknesses. With gentle and delicate strokes, he was always able to create masterpiece after masterpiece and ace every assignment and examination without a sweat. Furthermore, he was also a skilled musician in piano and he had a melodious voice to match his musical talent. It was pretty obvious that he was blessed with good genetics too and had been raised well by his parents while they were still alive. All in all, he was the perfect boy for every girl and the subject of envy for every guy.

I was a little less on the popular side, simply because I preferred to keep a low profile. Unfortunately, it was easier said than done. For my part, I was pretty much known as the part-time barista who took up a job at Angelinus Coffee, as well as the “Photography King” in my Visual Arts major. It came to me as a natural interest as I took frequent walks in the city and began to notice the little things around me. All I had was a smartphone and a DSLR given to me on my 17th birthday and all I did was take photograph after photograph of whatever I found to be “aesthetically pleasing”. To my surprise, it became the origin of my “popularity” as I got calls and offers from various companies and eventually got noticed by Korea National University Of The Arts.

That was how Wonho and I eventually got our spot in the prestigious art institute, way before we sat for our college entrance examinations. We were not affluent, and neither did our parents have well-known companies and highly regarded positions, but we had, what they called, true talent and the principal always reminded us time and time again that they were blessed to have students like us.

I guess you can say that for simple students like us, life did not seem so difficult, until Wonho’s life went out of control in a downward spiral.

Over time, I found that he had hung out with the wrong crowd and was constantly getting into trouble. Whenever he came home in the wee hours of the morning, it was never a surprise to see his body littered with fresh, purple bruises or bleeding, angry red cuts. As a friend and roommate, I was always there to tend to his health, nagging at him time and time again to get his life together. At that time, we were in different high schools and we were thrown into that cruel world which fueled us with immense stress, late nights and tight deadlines.

It was definitely difficult to adjust but I had made the right friends and very close ones, in fact. We studied together, hung out together and never hesitated to help one another in times of need. For some reason, they were seen as the “typical rich geniuses”, but never judge a book by its cover, and that was well proven when I made these friends in high school. I guess it helped that I was posted to one of the most elite schools, where students scored nothing less than a GPA of 3.7 out of 4, so troublemakers were hard to find and the environment was conducive for living and learning.

Unfortunately, Wonho had it entirely different. Similarly, he was posted to one of the most famous (or infamous) high schools which brought in people of all different walks of life. There were the smart alecks, normal students, struggling students and of course, the troublemakers and he just had to meet the latter. Until now, he refused to tell me the story behind him joining the gang, but you can say that he was a juvenile delinquent. He picked up horrible habits of smoking and drinking at the tender age of 17, and began to draw tattoo after tattoo on his body. They were pretty to look at, sadly, but he had soon become more than just the typical lackey in the group.

He got “promoted” and was soon involved in countless unjust acts; stealing, bullying and fighting, just to name a few. Strangely, he never forgot my birthday and always showed up with fancy gifts that I could never afford, even with my freelance photography offers. However, I was never one to question because of Wonho’s temperamental temper. Yes, he was sweet, charming and kind, but push the wrong buttons, and it could make one regret their entire existence. Luckily (or unluckily), his “friends” had been kind enough not to let him consume any form of harmful substances, or at least for now.

His grades went from bad to worse and his attendance had slipped drastically; from a 100-percent (or close enough) to a bare 30-percent or less. Whenever I was asked of his whereabouts, I never had any clue. He was always out of the house before I woke up for school and came home late into the night, even in the wee hours of the morning. Only the Almighty knows why but I constantly found myself doing my best to wait for him until he came home.

My mind always told me that I was his best friend, and the only person that he could trust to be by his side no matter what. Hence, it came with countless espresso shots of caffeine, hours of watching the stars go by at the little “front yard” of our shared apartment. When he finally showed up at the gate, he never spared a glance. He gave a curt nod to acknowledge my presence, kicked off his shoes at the front door and stepped into the house as if nothing “interesting” had happened throughout the day. No words were exchanged between the both of us and the atmosphere of our cosy residence grew colder and colder as the days went by.

Eventually, I found myself waiting up in vain and was always waking up in the least conducive of places. Maybe it was due to my positivity and hope that I naturally had for Wonho, so I waited for him to return, only to realise that he was uncontactable (like he always was) and it was as if his entire being had disappeared from the face of the earth. “Worry” was an understatement at that point because he could either be “having fun with his friends” as per normal, or worse, dead.

There were days when I had skipped school out of worry, waiting tirelessly for him at the porch and constantly looking out whenever I heard or saw vehicles and students come by the tiny alleyway. I took walks along the places that he would usually spend his time when we were orphans, and even made my way to his school just to see if he happened to be present. According to his teachers, the last time they had seen him was 2 weeks ago, which meant that he had only gone “missing” recently and was nowhere to be found.

Worry soon turned into anxiety as his line was now dead, with the automated voice telling me that his number was no longer in use. This struck alarm bells in my mind and I wasted no time in rushing to the nearest neighbourhood police station. Running as fast as my legs could carry me, I would probably have fallen, or worst still, got knocked down by a vehicle at the busy pedestrian crossings, but I refused to give in to my fatigue and told myself that every second could mean that Wonho was gradually getting into more danger.

I burst through the doors of the police station when I reached it and was only met with a policeman who gave me a questioning gaze. Nevertheless, he could sense that something was wrong and escorted me to take a seat at his desk.

“Please wait a moment sir. I’ll get you a drink and some food to eat.” He said in a soft, but gentle and soothing voice, before taking his leave.

He had left the station for a while, but soon returned with an iced chocolate frappe and a raspberry muffin that was still warm in my hands, bringing me to an instant calm when I touched it.

“Sir, you showed up at this dismal police station in quite a disarray. May I have your name and the reason for your display on this quiet and peaceful afternoon?”

I was a little taken aback at his tone of his voice, but he only let out a slight laugh at my reaction and shook his head. His slender fingers were now on the keyboard and was probably ready to type whatever I needed to tell him.

“My name is Yoo Kihyun,” I said calmly, to my very surprise because my heart was probably palpitating rapidly against my chest, “And I come from Seoul Arts High School. Someone has gone missing, officer. It’s been 4 days and he has not shown up once. I mean, he shows up in the wee hours of the morning at most, but he has not come home in a long time. His phone number has been deactivated and it’s no longer in use. I went to his school yesterday and his teachers said that they had not seen him either----”

“Calm down, Mr Yoo. You are in an obvious state of panic and I can only type so fast. At the speed you’re babbling, I might miss all the important details with regards to this person.”

The officer spoke and I stopped immediately, attempting to catch my breath as I realised that I had probably not taken a single breath since I gave him an entire chunk of information with regards to Wonho’s “MIA” status.

“So this person has been missing for 4 days and his number is no longer in use, is that correct, Mr Yoo?”

I nodded frantically and the officer only motioned for me to have some drink to ease my nerves before proceeding with the interview.

“Who is this person that has gone missing? Who is he to you?”

“He is my best friend, sir. We come from the Seoul Children’s home and he has been my friend for the past 7 years. We live together in a small shared rooftop apartment, just a stone’s throw away from here.”

“I see…. What are his particulars?”

“His name is Shin Hoseok, but he’s better known as Shin Wonho. He’s the same age as I and comes from Hanlim Arts High School. In his first year, he had met some delinquent juveniles and began to participate in their dirty work and I assume that it is because of them which accounts for his absence.”

At the thought of Wonho wasting his life away, I could feel an ache in my chest. Whenever I saw him with those hollowed cheeks, dark eye bags or fresh injuries, tears were also threatening to cascade down my cheeks. There were no words to express what I felt; anger? Sadness? Guilt? Sympathy?

I did not know, it just pained me to see him in such a state. Unfortunately, all of my attempts to help were either faced with reciprocated with prolonged absence, deaf ears or just a fuming and violent teenager. There were times  , I swore, that he had wanted to lay a fist on me and be done with me, but he always held back with a huff, pushing past me and locking himself up in the bathroom.

Sometimes, he could be there for hours, and he comes out looking like death. He meets my gaze once, but looks away quickly and puts on a jacket again to leave. Trust me when I said that I tried to stop him multiple times, but he just shook me off and hurried off on his way. Or he would give me a threatening glare and sneer with a biting tone,

“Let go of me. Just go away and get out of my sight. I don’t need you anyway.”

Those words were probably equivalent to a stab in the heart at that point in time and the tears just fell, like a dam that had been let loose. The jar of emotions that I had been storing deep within my heart broke into tiny smithereens and it was impossible to repair.

A tear fell, followed by another and they eventually flowed mercilessly. I remember the look in Wonho’s eyes when he saw me cry. Guilt was evident in that gaze of his and one could easily tell that he was tempted to go back into the house and comfort his crying friend who never cried for himself. He clenched his fist, and unclenched them in a repeated manner, as if he was contemplating the possible options that he could take at this moment.

He could turn his back on his “friends”, or he could turn his back on his one true friend who has stuck with him through thick and thin; through tragedies and triumphs. Sadly, he chose the “path of no return” and went on his way. Without sparing another glance, he walked off faster than he ever did, brisk walking down the stairs. The footsteps grew softer as he made his way further from the apartment and it was left with pin-drop silence, excluding the hiccups from my emotions.

On the contrary, I did not find myself to hate him for what he had done. In fact, I just could not. Most would probably punch the living daylights out of him, or worse, cut off all ties with him; move out, start a new life and possibly succeed.

But I knew better.

If there was no one here waiting for him, who was going to tend to his wounds? Who was going to provide the shoulder to cry on? Who was going to fix him? And the answer was nobody, but me. No, it was not an obligation to be with him; it just felt right to be with him.

That was the last day I saw him and that memory would probably be etched in my mind for a long time. Even if we were to repair the friendship that now hangs by a thread, I knew that the incident would be difficult to forget.

“Mr Yoo? Mr Yoo??”

“Y-yes sir? S-sorry, I just got lost in my own thoughts.” I replied with a grimace, but truth be told, tears were threatening to fall once more at the thought.

“I’ve submitted the report to my head of department. According to him, he will be right on his way together with an investigating officer. Please do not worry, your friend will be okay. Have a little faith, yeah?”

He said that with a smile and placed his hands on my shoulder, giving them an encouraging squeeze.

“He will be okay right? If he is found, will anything happen to him?”

The officer sighed and looked at me with a neutral expression and said, “That, I cannot tell you. It all depends on what your friend has been up to while he was gone. However, we will try to seek help for him if anything goes wrong. I can promise you that.”

Once again, he flashed an assuring smile and handed me what looked like a name card.

“That is my namecard. If you need me, I’ll be a call away. You can take me as a ‘hyung’. And my name is Donghae from Mokpo. Please do not call me Officer Lee. I’m too young to be called that.  Just call me ‘Donghae-hyung’ and we will get along just fine.”

I thanked him for his kind gesture and he only motioned me to take a seat in the comfortable, green sofas that lined the entrance, taking my drink and muffin with him.

“Thank you… Donghae-hyung. For all your help.” I said in a grateful tone.

“Of course. That is the reason why I became a police officer and I intend to fulfill that duty to the best of my ability.”


	3. There And Back Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of substance abuse & self harm

It had been days since I heard from Donghae hyung, or even the investigating officer, whose name was Mr Jung. When I had spoken to him last Friday, he had claimed that despite the young age of these “delinquents”, they were crafty, smart and always managed to escape the long arm of the law. They never had a common place where they would get together and act upon their malicious and cunning intents. Hence, it was almost impossible to track them down.

All they could do was to continue monitoring the places that they are likely to go and keep a close eye on any suspicious persons. For my part, I had given a photograph of Wonho and a list of all the places he loved to go when he just needed to unwind and get away from the stresses of what life had to offer.

I knew that he was bound to come to these places, especially after that fateful day. If he were so far as to be fully immersed in this dangerous lifestyle, he would not have been tempted to run back and comfort me with his warm embrace. Sure, Wonho always had a tough and manly exterior, but beneath all that, he was just an innocent boy with a marshmallow for a heart.

He was not the chill and intimidating Wonho everybody knew. In fact, he was anything but. He was a simple, 17-year-old boy who loved and appreciated art, whatever the form. It could be music, painting or in the culinary field and he would take immense interest in it. He was the one who cried watching “The Notebook” and has an immense fear of spiders, almost to the point that he could probably be diagnosed with arachnophobia. Hence, knowing him, there was no way that he had fully succumbed to that demeaning lifestyle. He would probably find a way, by hook or by crook, just to get away from their hold on him for a brief 5 minutes.

That was all it needed. 5 mere minutes of him being exposed to the real world and everything would fall into its rightful place. He would be free, or so I hoped, and the wrongdoers would be brought back to where they belonged; which was definitely not by Wonho’s side.

After days of waiting for that call and losing sleep over the nagging feeling that he might not be even alive, I had finally gotten what I had wanted for the longest time. The feeling was a sense of relief, combined with outright happiness. In fact, it was almost euphoric to hear of the phone call that I had waited day and night for.

I was in the school’s grandstand and decided to eat my lunch there instead of the usual cafeteria. The deafening chatting and noise of cutlery knocking against the metal plates was beyond stressful, hence, at that point, I preferred to be left alone and surround myself with the tranquility and serenity of the nature around me. It was autumn now, and the autumn foliage was something that I had always loved.

There was always something magical about autumn and it was the season of pumpkin spiced things and sweaters. Indeed, that was probably the definition of “perfect” in my eyes. I proceeded to close my eyes and inhaled the autumn air deeply before I said a little prayer and opened my lunchbox for the day. Lunch was simple; rice, egg rolls, luncheon meat and kimchi, also known as the cheapest version of doshiraks out there.

Unfortunately, to my dismay, I was interrupted by the shrill ring of my phone and in all honesty, the least that I wanted to be was to be disturbed at this peaceful moment in time. However, at that moment I saw “Donghae-hyung” on the line, my eyes widened in shock and it was without hesitation when I had swiped the screen to answer the call.

“Hello? Kihyun-ah.” Donghae greeted and I reciprocated with an excited “Yes!”.

“We have found your friend. His profile matches the photograph that you had submitted and his name is indeed, Shin Hoseok. However, he prefers to be called Wonho and is indeed a student from Hanlim Arts High School. Unfortunately, he was not found in the best physical state. He has been admitted to Seoul General Hospital and you are free to see him in 30 minutes. Would you like to come over?”

I was left speechless when Donghae-hyung had said that he had found him. It was a mix of emotions really; a part of me wanted to kill Wonho the moment I saw him and the other part urged me to leave school right away and rush to the hospital to see my best friend. I was beyond relieved that they had found him, but I was never really mentally prepared to face him. It did hurt to know that he was probably injured and beaten up to a pulp, but it was still better than him being buried six feet under without warning.

“Hello? Kihyun-ah? Are you still on the line?” Donghae-hyung questioned and that snapped me out of my reverie immediately.

“Ah! Sorry hyung, I was lost in my own thoughts again,” I replied in a flustered tone, “Yes, I will be there. I will let my teachers know and I will be on my way as soon as I can.”

I proceeded to pack my lunchbox in a hurried manner and slung my haversack’s strap on my shoulders, running down the hallway and down the staircase to reach the exit of the school. Adrenaline was on my side now and I was probably running as fast as Usain Bolt at this point.

“Sure, I’ll text you in the details later. See you!” And he hung up the call.

Meanwhile, I began to text my good friend, Hongbin, to inform him that I would not be attending the afternoon class today and would need his help in accounting for my absence. Thankfully, I got a quick reply and Hongbin was always straightforward, no questions asked and it was clear that he got the job done right away. Indeed, I was grateful to have gotten to know him and I could always count on him to have my back whenever I needed it.

Now, all I needed to do was to hail for a cab and I was lucky to have a cab which showed up almost immediately, as if the Gods above had heard my prayers. The taxi driver gave me a wide smile and asked in a very polite manner, “Where to?”

“Seoul General Hospital please. Thank you.” I replied with a surprising level of calm, considering the adrenaline that rushed through my body. The taxi driver nodded and took off right away, travelling at a pretty decent speed for someone like me in this state.

Now, all I had to do was wait to see my best friend again. Who knows how he might be at this current moment? Unconscious? Injured as heck? Nevertheless, I was glad to have my best friend back.

****

When I reached the entrance, I was all ready with the taxi fare and paid the taxi driver the exact amount, having no time for change and basic mathematics. He counted the money quickly and nodded to acknowledge that I had really given him the correct amount.

I sent him a quick word of thanks before hopping out of the cab, jogging to the reception counter.

“How may I help you sir?” The receptionist asked in a calm tone, with a smile plastered on her face.

“I’m looking for patient, Shin Wonho or also known as Shin Hoseok. He was admitted either today or yesterday, I’m not too sure, but I’m his best friend and here to see him.” I rushed through my words and she seemed to get the message, quickly sitting down to type his name to check whether there was anything in their vast database.

“Yes sir, there is a Shin Wonho who was admitted this morning. Is he a 17-year-old from Hanlim Arts High School?”

I nodded frantically and she looked at me and said, “He is in Ward 36A. It’s on the 3rd floor. When you get out of the lift, proceed to your left and head down all the way to the end. The rooms will be located on your left.”

I thanked her immediately and she gave me a polite 90-degree bow, before I ran to the lift, pressing the button in anxiety, in hopes that the doors would open much quicker than I had hoped. Well, at least the lifts were already on the first floor to begin with, and I pressed the button with a huge “3” on it.

The journey was quick so I had no time to catch my breath, and I soon found myself taking off again. Sure, I was not the most physically fit human being that one would know, but this felt like a matter of life and death to me. This was not some ordinary human that we were talking about; it was Wonho, my best friend and pillar of strength.

I slowed down when the ward was near, as seen by the running numbers that I had zoomed past on the way. The door remained closed and for some reason, the feeling of relief soon grew to one of cold and bitter awkwardness. It was as if he would question why I even bothered to appear at the hospital just to see him. My hands stayed on the handle of the door, but I did not slide the door open just yet, with fear of what I might see or what I had to hear.

Unfortunately, I had no time for that as I spotted Donghae-hyung walking towards me, and it was likely that he had come from the restroom. He was not in his uniform, like how I would usually see him, but he was in a simple white wife beater with a leather jacket to accentuate his muscular frame. It went together with a pair of black skinny pants and white Superga sneakers to complete the outfit.

“Ah, you’re finally here. Come, there’s someone you’ve been dying to meet right?” He asked with a smile, before pushing me aside gently, and pulling the door handle towards him.

He motioned for me to go in and I took a deep breath, mustering the courage to finally meet him after what seemed to be like centuries. Indeed, the hospital ward was probably a luxury at this point. The investigating officer had booked him a Class A ward, meaning that it was only going to be Wonho and only him. With that, he had his personal bathroom, 32-inch television and even his own mini fridge.

Apart from the fact that there was Wonho, Donghae-hyung, Mr Jung and I, there was someone else in the room who was now holding onto a clipboard and scribbling a whole bunch of information as he observed the patient on the hospital bed. From the looks of his white trench coat and off-white surgical gloves, it was obvious that he was the doctor attending to Wonho.

He clicked the pen and placed it back into his chest pocket, before placing the clipboard neatly back into the sleeve at the end of the bed. His gaze seemed to light up at the sight of me and he rushed over to greet me with a very firm handshake with a quick introduction, before motioning for me to talk matters outside the hospital ward, with fear of probably disturbing Wonho from his restful slumber.

“I have heard about you from Officer Lee already. Are you his roommate, whose name is Yoo Kihyun?”

“Yes, I am.” I replied and the doctor nodded before beginning the actual rundown of Wonho’s diagnostics.

“Good, and that means I’m free to tell you everything you need to know about your best friend in there. He was admitted this morning after being found unconscious at a park bench and we had found out that he was surviving through an acute lack of nutrients, leading to his dropping performance and drastic weight loss, among other things.”

I was shocked to hear the last bit of the sentence, but there was a part of me that was not even a tad surprised because it was expected from joining the mafia gangs of South Korea. He had been involved in underaged smoking, underaged drinking, gang fights, so what could have been worse at this point?

“Okay… Firstly, he has a history of underaged drinking and smoking, which is against the law,” He paused to look at my reaction, but I only nodded in acknowledgement, fully aware of that since I had seen him come home reeking of smoke on his clothes and hard liquor in his breath, “Next, he was found to have small doses of pure heroin in his system, which also led to his unconsciousness when he was found in the Hangang area.”

When I heard that, I tried hard to swallow the tears that I was probably bound to choke on once again. It was difficult to keep myself calm at this moment, but it took every bit of mental and emotional strength just to do so and I’m sure the doctor could tell. Hence, he took a deep breath once again before continuing with his diagnosis.

“As we were cleaning him up yesterday, we had noticed some gruesome finds. Sure, there were cuts and bruises all over his body, specifically the torso and back area. However, we had also noticed that he had very faint marks of scars along his wrists and thighs. According to the investigating officer, it was not likely that he got that from all the fights that he got involved as it looked different from all the obvious slash wounds that he had attained. Hence, we can only come to the conclusion at this point that they were self-inflicted.”

At that, I was utterly lost for words at that point. Realisation hit me like a tidal wave soon after as I recalled all the trips that he had made to the tiny bathroom that we had and could stay there for hours. He did it so much to the point that it seemed like a habit, but could it be possible that he could have been harming himself while he was in there? In fact, he always stepped out with a cloth whenever he was done with his cooldown in there, but I took no notice and only realised the mirage of broken mirrors that we had during Wonho’s fits of rage.

“Therefore, Mr Yoo, we have arranged an appointment with the psychiatrist of our clinic and a counsellor to follow up with the sessions. These are symptoms of depression, so I do hope you understand why we need to do this to ensure that he gets better. At this point, he needs plenty of rest and emotional support. His appointment would be in 3 days time and the psychiatrist’s name is Mr Kim Taehyung, while the counsellor’s name is Mr Kim Seokjin. Both of them have been in the field for the past 5 and 8 years respectively, so Wonho-sshi will be in good hands as he goes through the necessary treatment.”

I nodded, trying my best to process everything that I had heard from the doctor. Indeed, it was much to process and take in in 15 minutes. The reason was simple, and that was because so much had happened in that week that Wonho had seemingly disappeared from earth’s face.

How scared must he have been when he found himself succumbing to the temptation to self harm just to feel like a person again? How much must he have gone through when he realised that it was heroin he was taking into his system? How must they have forced him? Physical abuse, emotional abuse? Who knew?

I walked ever so slowly to the bed where he seemed to lay peacefully for the first time in a long while. There were many nights he had spent without proper sleep and it was obvious from the constant rustling of his bedsheets that he was tossing and turning. This was probably the best I could get of him at peace with himself and the world around him. He was a free spirit and not having to conform to expectations was probably his ideal heaven right now.

Unfortunately, when I saw him lying on the hospital bed in a relatively peaceful slumber, the feeling was bittersweet. It was as if I was relieved and glad that he was alive and breathing but bitterness could well surpass the feeling of relief. Deep down within my mind, I knew that I had enough emotions to be angry at him for everything that he had done. We were not even close to living a suitable lifestyle, and here he was, knocking on death’s door with the Grim Reaper constantly by his side and wasting his life away in alcohol, tobacco and drugs. For one, I knew that he had taken some of my hard earn cash for his personal desires, but there was nothing I could say and that was simply because I had no chance to do so.

However, the feelings of bitterness, hate and anger never reached my heart. In fact, my head and my heart were always in constant war with the way that I should be feeling towards him. Seeing him in this battered state, I could not find it in myself to hate him or hold any bit of resentment towards him.

There he lay, with cuts all over his arms and torso, as well as some pretty fresh stitches that lined them. His tattoos were still beautiful though, and for some reason, it was never marred by any scars, probably because I was staring at the ones that covered his neck and forearm. Next, my attention was brought to his wrists and there was a mixture of lines; angry red, brown from the scabs and faint white marks as scars. By the looks of it, it was easy to tell that he had done it in the heat of the moment in a rushed manner.

Wonho was an impulsive being, but he probably knew when to stop himself, which explained why he was still alive today. Call me crazy, but I did find him beautiful. _Hauntingly beautiful_. There was just an aura about him that one could not shake off. It was no doubt that he was handsome but there was something more enchanting about him than his good looks, physique and mysterious character.

With that, I had already taken a chair to sit by his bedside and continued to watch him sleep. The constant tension that he had in his shoulders seemed to have disappeared as well as the frown that formed whenever he was worried about something. As a friend, it was finally good to see that he was getting the rest that he needed and had finally deserved after a long time.

His eyes were closed and his face remained flawless despite the state of his body. There was no scars, no marks, except for the occasional eye bruises that he got when he participated in a fight. His chest rose and sunk in a slow, rhythmic manner and he was at peace now. Once again, it was as if the tears that I had been bottling up for so long were threatening to flow like an open dam, as I could imagine what he went through.

He was only 17 and who would have imagined all this happening to someone of that age? He could have been hanging out with friends, doing well in his first year, falling in love and just living a very simple and comfortable life in that tiny shack. It could have been smooth, but I guess some were just destined to experience the horrors of the world at a young age.

That was the past. He was here now, right in front of me, and catching on the rest that he needed. In all honesty, no matter how much resentment I probably had stored at the back of my mind, I was definitely grateful that he was here with me now. He might be unconscious, but he was alive and breathing, and that was all that mattered.


	4. Back To The Good Ol' Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. This chapter is significantly longer than the other chapters with a word count of close to 5800 words. 
> 
> 2\. Mild swearing (i.e. vulgarities)

Only God would know how much time had passed ever since I had sat down by Wonho’s bedside and soon, I felt a hand stroking my hair ever so gently. Yes, I had probably fallen asleep by Wonho’s bedside, finally giving into exhaustion of all the all-nighters that I had to pull off while waiting for Wonho to show up at our front door.

“Kihyun-ah…”

I heard a soft and familiar croaking voice call my name and I rose slowly, yawning and stretching out my arms after a great afternoon nap. I did not know how long I slept for, but as far as I knew, that was the only form of proper sleep that I had gotten in what felt like eons.

My eyes squinted as I adjusted to the light of the warm lighting of the hospital room, and turned my head to face Wonho, realising that he probably had been wide awake for a while. I judged from the fact that his bed was adjusted so that he was sitting now, instead of lying down like he was previously. That same bright smile was still plastered on his face and an IV drip was attached to his left hand. Hence, he used his right and proceeded to ruffle my hair once more.

It took me a lot to glare at him and I gave him one tight slap on his shoulder the moment he laid his hands on my head. Of course, he winced in pain almost immediately, but I held my ground and proceeded to stare daggers at him for his idiocracy.

“Do you have any idea how worried I was?? I stayed up all night in hopes that you would come back. Fuck, I even went to all the places where we used to hang out and actually went to your school. God knows why I went to Hanlim and I was probably an idiot to do so, and what the hell happened to your phone?”

I was starting an irritated ramble now and he only looked at me with shock, guilt and sadness written all over his face. His eyes were downcast and he was fiddling with his fingers; something he always did in awkward and situations when he felt uncomfortable. It did strike a sense of sympathy in me but I stood firm and tried not to crumble under the hard exterior that I now had.

“I’m sorry Kihyun-ah. I know you were worried. Trust me, I did.” He finally replied after an awkward moment of cold, hard silence.

“Really? But you were never home. In fact, do I have to remind you that you did not come home for a straight week? It was to the point where I questioned myself whether you were even alive. Your number was deactivated and I could not even reach you, let alone find you.”

“I cannot explain it to you now. Every action has its reasoning behind it. Unfortunately, the explanation would have to wait. Once again, I’m sorry for the worry that I caused you. I’m sorry for the pain that I caused you. I-I’m…”

He was crying and sniffling now, with one tear after another cascading down his pale cheeks. At this point, it was too hard for me not to sit by his side with a comforting arm placed around his shoulder. And that was probably the reason why people took advantage of me so easily, but I just had nothing against him.  

Hence, I found myself sitting by his side and pulling his head into my shoulder, allowing him to cry all he wanted. My shirt was growing more damp now but I paid it no attention and continued to stroke his back in a comforting manner. No words were needed and this was all Wonho needed; someone to hold onto and someone to care for him when he really needed to be cared for.

It had been a solid 15 minutes now and he was still crying a little bit with the occasional sniffles and choked up sobs from all the emotions that he had finally let loose. Being his best friend for the past 7 years, it was not hard to tell that he had been holding the emotions in for a while. It was heartbreaking, really, but there was nothing else I could do but be a pillar of support at this point. In retrospect, he would probably have been mad if I tried to help him since it was rightfully his own problem to solve now.

Wonho was a stubborn mule, and there was no way that he would allow me involved in the many issues that he currently battled. Trust me, I tried many times in the past to help him through whatever

“Are you mad at me?” He said in between sobs after our second long moment of silence.

I scoffed at the question and replied matter-of-factly, “Yes, you son of a bastard. If I wasn’t Yoo Kihyun, I would have killed you by now.”

He only chuckled at my reply and continued to place his head on my shoulder as we watched whatever view that the ward had to offer; a view to the serene hospital garden.

“However,” I continued, “I am the Yoo Kihyun and no matter how you think about it, we only have each other. Sure, I’m fuming mad towards your idiocracy but I bet you can tell that I would always be here for you, no matter what kind of situation you are in.”

“It has been hard, I know, but we’ll get through this alright? I hope that this has been a good lesson that has been forced into that thick skull of yours and it is something you will remember for life. I don’t know whether you are willing to start afresh but even if you do not, I will still be here for you, waiting, even if it is to no avail. We need each other Won, and I think you know that too.”

Once again, I felt the drips of his tears once again and I rolled my eyes, saying once more, “Stop crying already. You’re ugly when you cry. Whatever has happened cannot be changed anymore. All that matters is what you do now. That is all I have to say.”

“T-thank y-you Kihyun-ah. By the way,” he paused, probably to figure out how to phrase his sentences properly and the words he used, considering how much our friendship was perceived to be in fragmented little bits now, “I heard I have an appointment in 3 days, can you possibly come with me? I-I’m afraid to go alone.”

“Did you even need to ask, you idiot?”

And he only looked at me with eyes the shape of crescent moons before squeezing the life out of me with a tight hug. It had been a while since we had hugged each other but I felt my cheeks getting a sense of warmth as I reciprocated the embrace.

Funny the feeling was, a little strange too, but it was still pleasant and I was glad that he was back in my arms again, just like the good old days.

“Thanks Kihyunnie. I owe you one.” Wonho said in the embrace with a grateful tone.

“Yeah, you owe me tons. And thanks too.” I replied with a laugh and broke from the hug, only to be met with Wonho’s famous roll of the eye.

Indeed, I could tell that my best friend was back, better than ever. His face had a familiar glow now, and it was as if God had decided to return his innocence. Sure, he still had his tattoos all over his body and piercings in bizarre places, but his smile was all that was needed to show that he intended to start afresh. There were no words to describe how I felt for him, but he gave off vibes of change and determination.

He had experienced hell once, and I was going to make sure that he would not have to experience it again, no matter what it took me.

                                                                                                         ********

With enough persuasion, I had somehow managed to be excused from school for the next 4 days. I did not know what the investigating officer or Donghae-hyung had done to convince my cold-hearted principal, but they managed, and only said that Wonho needed someone to be by his side for the week ahead.

For now, his case was put on hold and its status was questionable, but it would definitely be a full blown problem if he were to cause any more trouble than he already had. At this point, it was pretty evident that he needed to be kept in check, making sure that he laid low at the same time; away from the prying eyes of the gang that he had joined.

Or at least that was what Mr Jung had told me. They were probably suspicious of the fact that a member had gone missing for a relatively prolonged period, and it would only be worse for him if he were to be found.

Therefore, I was now in charge of keeping my two eyes on him and ensuring that he was engaging in lawful and just activity for the next few days. It was ridiculous for some, especially for me if someone were to ask how I truly felt, but after all that had happened over this short and stressful week, the need was even more apparent now. We did not know if he was really diagnosed with clinical depression, but it absolutely did not hurt to go the extra mile to make sure.

If getting found by the gang was bad, being diagnosed with clinical depression was definitely worse. It was not something that could be solved within a day or two; it needed months, years or never at all.

After he was deemed fit to be discharged under careful supervision by Doctor Han, the first thing we did was to have a proper dinner. It was nothing fancy, grand or special; all we did was head over to Hongdae and went to a fast food restaurant selling homemade kimbap triangles, gourmet bowls of ramyun (which Wonho loved very very much) and our favourite side dish, _tangsooyook_ (sweet and sour pork).

It was probably the cheapest and simplest meal that anyone could think of, however, when one was a student, cafes and fast food restaurants were probably the most populated areas with students from the various high schools. The food was fast, filling and absolutely enough to fuel us for an entire day, or at least enough to keep us from falling asleep during the lessons and long study sessions.

“Just pick whatever you want Won, it’s on me today.” I voiced out, as we scanned the menu after telling the smiling waitresses to give us a few moments to make our decision.

“Really? I thought we were tight on money? Since when did you have so much to spare?” Wonho asked curiously, and it was obvious how much he had missed out. At that, it was ironic that he was claimed to be my best friend, or even a roommate for that matter.

I sighed at his response but answered his question anyway with, “Just got a few offers from small photography companies who were willing to pay me some money because I took photographs for them. It might sound like a simple job, but they pay pretty well. I earn 30,000 won for every 5 pictures and you know me, I love taking pictures. Of course, it has to be approved by my boss and he would pay me accordingly.”

“Ahh…” was all he said in acknowledgement and we were back to the state of silence before a bubbly waitress showed up with her order chit and pen ready right at her belt.

“Hi sir, are you ready to order?” She said in a bubbly, yet sweet fashion. She had short, navy blue hair, and was dressed in the bright orange collared shirt and black skinny jeans. It was not obvious, but one could roughly tell that she had a tattoo, as she seemed to have a mark that cut just below her sleeve.

Basically, her appearance did not seem to match the aura that she brought across. One could tell that she was a sweet and kind girl, but for her style, that was far from the case.

“Yes! I would like to order one Set A with kimchi ramyun, tangsooyook and chinsung cider please.” I said in a bright manner as well as she nodded and took my order down before turning to face Wonho, “And for you sir?”

“I would like a Set A as well with seafood ramyun, mandoo and a diet cola.” He said with a small smile plastered on his face and there she was again, scribbling the orders down in a rushed, but neat manner.

“No problem! I’ll send in your orders now. It should come out in less than 15 minutes!” She said in the same chirpy tone as she packed the menus and arranged them in a neat stack before placing them underneath the table. And with that, she took her leave with a polite bow and a skip in her steps as she made her way to the kitchen window to place our ticket.

“Damn, she sure is happy.” Wonho said as he continued to scroll through his replaced phone, updating himself with whatever he had missed over the past week from his true friends, teachers and life in general. No doubt that I was a little worried for Wonho, because during this entire time that he was part of the gang, bits of his future might have been flushed down the drain. His attendance was horrific, let alone his results, and it could result in him repeating a year if he kept going on like this.

However, it did not matter much to me since I had him back now. His life and existence was more important to me than anything and I was sure that he felt the same. Furthermore, it was obvious that he had decided to give up the lifestyle that he had been living. He seemed to be messaging enthusiastically in a seemingly stressful manner and curiousity got the better of me as I scooted over and looked at what he was doing.

Not only was he messaging his friends about everything that he had missed over the past couple of weeks, but he had been looking at a website for part time jobs too and he started off with signing himself up with Evergreen, an agency that all high school and college students tended to sign up with if they were looking for a job. It was pretty diverse, from serving at banquets to being ushers at an event, hence it gave a pretty holistic experience at the end of the day.

Seeing him working so hard comforted and warmed my heart immediately. All the stress that I had felt over the past few weeks suddenly disappeared, as if they were non-existent in the first place. I was tempted to ask what had changed him but I also figured immediately that it was not wise to do so. It must have been hell when he was with them and I did not want to make this day any worse by reminding him of his delinquent days.

“Hi sir!” The waitress greeted again, now with two trays and a few free side dishes sitting by the booth seat, “Here is your 2 Set As and these are some side dishes for the both of you.”

She started to lay them out one by one in a neat fashion and she also made it a point to introduce each and every dish to us, “First up, we have homemade kimchi, freshly made on our premises once every 3 months. Next, we have _yeolbul_ (spinach with garlic), followed by _odeng_ (fishcake), pasta salad and last but not least, potato salad. Please enjoy your meal! Once you’re finished, please take this chit right here and proceed to the cashier counter at the entrance. Thank you for coming to Kimsaeng Fast Food and we hope to see you again!”

We reciprocated her gesture with a small nod and she only continued to beam at us and went over to another table to take their orders in the same fashion. In all honesty, she looked like a high school student too and we had never seen such happy and energetic ones, especially in high school where stress was an all time high and was something that piled continuously every single day.

After a short prayer, we shouted a custom “I’ll eat well!” before picking at the side dishes and tasting every single one of them to our delight. Then, we proceeded to slurp our bowls of ramyun and boy, was it scrumptious. Despite the heat from the noodles, Wonho seemed to wolf down his food and it got me to wonder what he had been surviving on for most of the time. However, as I took note of his frame and the amount of weight he lost, it was obvious that he had not been eating well. Furthermore, it probably proved that the rumours were true; harmful and addictive substances could indeed mess with the biological system, preventing one from enjoying the usual diet.

Nevertheless, it was comforting to see that he still loved ramyun with all his heart, and that he was back to the normal Wonho that I knew. Sure, he had definitely lost some of his innocence by experiencing these cruelties, guaranteed, but he was himself again. In all honesty, that was all that mattered to me once again. He was alive, breathing, eating well and one could tell that he was probably determined to get his life back on track.

“What are you staring at? You should eat before your noodles get cold.” Wonho said, as he took a spoonful of tangsooyook and put it into his bowl, munching away with delight written all over his face.

“Oh nothing,” I replied, snapping out of the initial reverie, “I was just thinking about how I’m actually still surviving with you. It’s been 7 years; 7 long years, in fact. It just amazes me how we got to this point.”

Hearing that, Wonho only let out a small smile, raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders. I knew that he had an answer in mind, but refused to share it and decided to keep munching on his tangsooyook while I took his dumplings. We shared them like how we used to back in the good old days and it was as if we were reliving the good times again to make up for whatever we had experienced before. Like they always say, “There can never be a rainbow without a storm”.

If one were to experience what I had gone through, one would probably agree that it was one of the greatest feelings that one could ever get.

After we had finished with our delicious meal, we headed down to the shopping district of Hongdae to clear our minds and seek some peace and refuge in the bustling city. Personally, the both of us felt that the cities were a stressful place at times due to the pace of life they lived, but it was still fun to walk through the stores and alleyways lined with quaint cafes and tiny boutiques. Sometimes, they had interesting knick knacks that we found ourselves naturally drawn to.

“ _Ppopgi (_ honeycomb candy)!”, Wonho shouted excitedly, “Remember the old times when we used to eat these at least 4 times a week to see if we could eat the shapes and win 8,000 won with 20 pieces of free candy??”

I smiled and nodded at his exclamation; he was like a kid again, full of innocence, life and seemed to have no care about anything else in the world. Even the _ahjusshi_ (uncle) manning the stall seemed to smile a little just by looking at Wonho; he was donned with tattoos of all different shapes, sizes and colours, but he was still so child-like and unlike how society would expect him to behave.

“Ahjusshi,” he beamed, “Could you give us 2 candies each? I will take the star and the music note, while my friend here would take the heart and the rabbit.”

“Certainly!” The ahjusshi replied with the same energy level and he handed the two respective sticks to the both of us. Wonho had already started eating the candy the moment he got it, whilst looking at me with guilty eyes since he knew that I would have to pay for it.

However, I found my lips curve up and I, too, ate the ppopgi with child-like excitement in my heart. Watching Wonho, he had definitely not forgotten his ppopgi skills and he was still the expert that I knew; it had been barely two minutes and he was already done with the music note, while I remained stuck on the heart shape, nibbling ever so carefully to make sure that I did not break the shape inside.

Seeing that, Wonho continued to tease me for my skills at the ppopgi, like how he always did back in Junior High. Unlike him who seemed to be good at everything (except cooking) and did everything in a professional, quick and quality-worthy manner, I was just different; careful, meticulous and yet, things still turned out like how I wanted it to be.

Finally, after a myriad of sarcastic comments (“It’s Christmas already!), we had finally finished the ppopgi’s task and the ahjusshi, for some reason, had a wide smile on his face. He was different from the other ppopgi sellers whose face fell when their customer won, but he seemed proud of our achievements, especially with that fatherly smile of his. Hence, we had earned ourselves a total of 40 ppopgi candies and 16,000 won (taking away the 4,000 won needed to pay for the ppopgi that we had ate).

It did not sound very much, and most adults would call it a waste of time. Unfortunately, in our situation, 16,000 won was considered pretty hefty for us because it was enough to get us through the day. The school gave us free lunches and breakfasts (for most of the time), so we need not worry about having the lack of meals, even if we had to eat 2 meals a day instead of 3.

We led a _very_ simple life for students like us and we hardly ever went out with out friends. All we did was to wake up, go to school, study and come back home to bask in each other’s company. Yes, I earned my own money from all the photography offers but we had made a deal that we needed to split our respective earnings. It resulted in arguments when we started, but it was only then that we had realised that we only had each other. Petty fights and arguments were going to get us nowhere, so we finally agreed, placing half of our pocket monies into an old glass vase that the owner had happened to leave behind.

In our entire house, it was probably the most valuable thing because it contained our future. It was pretty clear for us what we were going to do, especially when we had been accepted into Korea National University Of The Arts. It was not going to be easy on our finances and all the more we needed to be prepared for it. Wonho might need additional art materials and I might just need a new camera, who knew?

Therefore, we looked at our newly earned cash, smiled and split the cost before putting the money safely into our pockets. And with that, Wonho had put his arm around my shoulder as we continued walking through the town of Hongdae. Seeing him smile brought a smile to my face too, and soon, we were just like two happy best friends catching up with one another. He pointed out all the things that he wanted to eat when he had enough money and started to talk about the future excitedly.

He imagined that we would each find our significant others and live in a proper apartment suitable for families, how his children would look like and what courses they would be interested in. He continued babbling on but I paid no attention to any words that he was saying at this point.

Instead, I began to notice the little details about him; how his eyes seemed to sparkle when he talked of something positive and how his entire face just glowed with his flawless complexion. He was so much happier now and it was hard to believe that the teenager standing next to me could be suffering from clinical depression. It was bizarre, if I were to be completely honest, but then again, this could all be a front.. right?

Wonho was good at that; putting up fake and convincing smiles in front of others before crying himself to sleep in the dark of night, away from prying eyes. I had seen it too many times in our 7 years of friendship and there were countless nights where I had found himself wrapped in my embrace with his head on my chest. He was too vulnerable and with the fact that he had already experienced so much in these short 17 years, it was sad when you thought about it. Pitiful even.

“Earth to Kihyun!!” Wonho said in a teasing manner and waved his hands in front of my face in a vertical fashion, successfully snapping out of my daze, “By the way, you have a very piercing stare so it was really awkward when I found you staring at me with a smile on your face.”

Hearing that, I laughed heartily and he laughed too in the same manner. He found it funny, but I found it a little embarrassing to be caught staring at my best friend with such loving (or piercing) eyes. I did have a strange feeling in my heart, as if it was beating faster than usual, and my cheeks started to warm. To my surprise, Wonho grabbed me by the waist with his strong and robust arm. I glared at him and fought against his innate strength to no avail, especially with my significantly smaller frame.

Wonho was always known for his physique too. He had broad shoulders, _defined_ biceps and washboard abs. Don’t judge, I’ve seen it way too many times when he prefers to strut around without a shirt. He was young and lean back then, but it was still better than me, who was labelled as the one with skin and bones. If I were to compare him with someone, it was going to be my senior, Son Hyunwoo, or better also known as Shownu.

They were too alike for my liking and trust me when I say that I do confuse them sometimes, and both would give me the same awkward looks when I called their names wrongly. Those were the times when I preferred to grab a paper bag and put it over my head, especially when I called them so affectionately sometimes out of habit.

Anyway, back to the current reality, here we hobbled, with Wonho grabbing onto my waist tightly and I struggling to walk with that added weight.

“You really need to work out more Ki. Your waist is a little small, which is great, but I think you could do better with a bit more strength, don’t you think?”

I rolled my eyes and continued to attempt my failed methods of getting him off my back, especially when I noticed how passersby had started to give us questioning looks; some even snickering and I swore that they were very tempted to take pictures and post them on all forms of social media. As expected from someone like Wonho, he was still not willing to let go. He had definitely noticed the girls, especially, who either showed disgust or admiration for Wonho’s visuals. With that, he only gave each of them a wink and a smirk after that, resulting in blushing and shy girls who ran off with faces resembling the colour of a cooked lobster.  

“Do you always have to do that Won? I think you know very well that there are many girls who would wanna date you and I’m surprised that you always rejected every single one of them.” I said matter-of-factly, giving up with the fact that Wonho was not going to give in to me and let me go.

“Hmm… I wonder why. I guess I’ve just not found the right one yet. Besides, those girls only admire me for my looks, body and talent. They take me at face value, Ki. They know Wonho, but they don’t know Hoseok and if they knew who Hoseok was, do you think they’d appreciate me? Hell no.”

His tone seemed to falter at the last sentence and I stopped in my tracks, knowing that he needed a reminder there and then again that he was perfect the way he was. Despite his confident persona that he seemed to pull off flawlessly, he had many insecurities; people had expectations for him and he wanted to fulfill them to receive some form of love and admiration. It did not matter what kind of love it was, he just needed one form from its complex definition.

I turned around to face him and his eyes were downcast; sad-looking, with his shoulders hunched. Therefore, I put 2 fingers under his chin and tilted his neck up so that he made eye contact with me. His lips were shaped in a pout as negative thoughts about himself continued to fill his head; how he was not good enough, how he had failed et cetera.

“I’ve said this many times and I’m sure you’ve heard it before, but I’m going to say it again,” I said in a hushed and gentle tone (or at least that was how I hoped to have sounded), “You are perfect exactly the way you are. With all your flaws and imperfections, that is what makes you unique and different from everybody else. So there’s no need to change anything. In fact, all you need to do is change the thought that you need to change. C’mon Won, you’re one in a million. We all are, just like the snowflakes that fall during the winter. No two are the same, but they’re all equally beautiful.”

Wonho only looked at me in silence, taking in the words and analogy that I had just thrown at him. Soon, a wide smile crept up on his face and he gave me his signature tight hugs again in gratitude and I wrapped my arms around him for the nth time that day. Truth be told, he deserved so much better than he did now. At this rate, he probably deserved the world and so much more.

It took me by surprise when Wonho’s lips were dangerously close to my ear now and I could just see the smirk on his face. I probably froze in his grip but I tried my best not to show it in front of him. He might as well have two very different personalities; Wonho and Shin Hoseok. What I comforted was the endearing and innocent Hoseok; now I confronted the real deal, Wonho.

“Wanna do something exciting today?” He whispered in a low voice, and all I could do was stay still as a shiver ran down my spine just hearing his voice. It was music to my ears, and I could have probably melted if I was one of his many blind crushes.

“U-uh s-sure!” I stammered with forced enthusiasm and a grimace on my face, “Like…?”

“Stargazing!! I discovered this place last week that is just perfect for that!” He said in an innocent voice, unlike how the initial tone was. It was the complete opposite if I were to be accurate and specific.

Unfortunately, the relief that showed was probably way too obvious as Wonho looked at me with the most judgemental gaze that he ever had, before bursting out in laughter. I glared at him with as much energy that I could possibly muster, but he continued to laugh to the point that he lost his balance.

“My goodness Ki, I didn’t know your mind was that far down the gutters. Turns out that you’re not that innocent eh?” He smirked, while wiggling his eyebrows and I only slapped myself with a palm on my forehead.

“Shut the fuck up, Shin Wonho, or I might literally just disown you right now.” I said in a threatening tone and he only placed an arm around my shoulder again, still with that same smile plastered on his face.

“Oh well, I guess we’ll never be able to help it. I mean, we are guys and we’re young so raging hormones is perfectly normal,” he stated with a hint of sarcasm and all I did was whack him on the shoulder again with all the strength that I possibly had.

“I would appreciate if you would stop hitting me-- OKAY OKAY.”

He had no chance of finishing his sentence as I lifted my hand again, ready to slap his shoulder again to instill some form of reality into his mind.

“But seriously though,” he resumed after blowing on and massaging the red mark that I had given him to ease the pain, “I think you’ll really love it, come on! I’ll take you there. For now, it’s probably my happy place.”

And like they always do in all romantic movies, he took my hand and dragged me up the slope. He was a fast and fit runner and I struggled to keep up with his pace, as if I had two left feet. Of course, he realised that when he turned back and slowed down his pace to a brisk walk, with his hand still holding onto mine firmly.

Our fingers intertwined and it was as if they were a perfect fit for each other, like we were meant to meet and become the best of friends. When I thought about this question, there was no spite, anger or dejection. It was just plain innocence and confusion to how our world worked.

And that question was: Shin Wonho, why are you even my friend?


	5. It's Time For Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Longer than the average chapter (4415 words) 
> 
> 2\. TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of a panic attack & self harm

For the rest of the days until Wonho’s appointment, it pretty much went like how it did when he was discharged from the hospital. Sometimes, we would go out to enjoy the cool autumn breeze by the Hangang river and chase the autumn foliage, or we would go for a short adventure in town, before heading to a cozy cafe to rest and recuperate from the endless “hikes” that we seemed to be doing. Sure, the drinks at the cafe were not exactly the cheapest you could find, but I had done some very meticulous and careful calculations, only to realise that I had some money to spare and splurge on some sweet treats that we never got to enjoy. 

However, there were many days when we preferred to reside at home and bask in each other’s company, like we used to do for the longest time. He would be working on brand new art masterpieces, in hopes that his fingers had not forgotten their strength. And for me, I would be working on photograph compilations to be put on sale, earning some of the extra dough to contribute to the rental of our home. The rental fees might not be expensive for many, but for students (or more like orphans) like us, it required us to be thrifty and lead the simplest of lives.

Luckily, Wonho had gotten a few job offers and their interviews would be held this weekend, starting from Friday onwards. I remembered the day when his phone seemed to be sounding every 3 hours with his face lighting up at every notification. True enough, they were from Evergreen, saying that they had found a job for him which might suit his schedule, character and personality. Seeing him smile not only comforted me but it also gave me a glimmer of hope that our lives would get better.

Wonho and I would go back to school, with classmates asking about our whereabouts and where we had disappeared to for the past two weeks. We would get back to studying for our college entrance exams, even if we did not need to, and basically get back to what we were used to. Our lives would be back on track; we would be normal again without the chaos and the constant fear of compromised safety.

Unfortunately, it was probably easier said than done, especially when you had a best friend cum roommate suspected of clinical depression. It was still absolutely  _ bizarre _ to believe that someone like Wonho could be depressed, but it was not hard to notice the symptoms. I was no one with any form of knowledge with regards to how the mind and body functioned, but it was almost impossible for it to go unnoticed.

He had two personalities, literally; he could be energetic one moment, getting me out of the house and painting an array of art pieces with bright, happy colours with a bright smile on his face. On the other hand, it could be a nightmare. There were times he refused to get up and lied in bed for 15 hours straight. He faced the wall, with his back towards me, and he would cry until his eyes were red and swollen. I tried my best to get him out, but it only resulted in fits of anger and irritation.

He would not take it out on me (which took immense self control by the crazy look in his eyes whenever he looked at me) but he would take it out on the rest of the house. It resulted in him pulling off the bed sheets and throwing pillows around like he was no longer himself. He would throw whatever that was in sight towards the wall and also took out his anger on his artwork. As our generation might put it, he wrecked it badly and it always ended in torn canvas oil paintings and spilled paint everywhere.

When he had finally snapped out of it, he would bury his head in hands and sob broken cries. Muttering to himself, he would call himself a monster and implied that he was someone who did not deserve to live with me, in fear that he would end up hurting me, or worse, killing me.

There were many times when I caught him with a sharp object in his hand, contemplating whether he should make additions to the lines that decorated his skin (apart from his tattoos) and there were many times that he had threatened me with that object in his hand when I tried to stop him.

Wonho had hurt me a couple of times with his violent tendencies, but I was there to help him always. Whether it was a hug, a shoulder to cry on or just a full box of Kleenex, I was there. It broke my heart and tears welled up in my eyes at times, but I could not show those tears either. I had to be strong if I were to comfort a broken teenager, who was living life on the edge of a knife. At the rate that it was going, one trigger was probably enough to send him into the abyss of negativity and self-hate.

Of course, I had friends who were there to support me too if I felt that it was too much to take. Hyunwoo hyung seemed to be my pillar of support throughout the entire ordeal when I felt like giving up. I could not and I  _ would _ not. It resulted in some sneaking out without Wonho’s notice just to have a heart-to-heart talk with Hyunwoo hyung about Wonho’s situation.

The former always seemed to know the right words to say and it brought immense comfort and hope once again.

Now, it was a bright and early Friday morning; 8am to be exact. I was awoken to the birds constantly chirping at the front yard and my eyes adjusted to the light. Once again, I turned to my right, only to find Wonho cuddling next to me like I was his personal bolster. His right arm was across my chest, right leg was also on my stomach and his eyes were shut, indicating that he was sleeping soundly. For some reason, he looked a little too peaceful that I felt bad for waking him up.

“Wonho-ah. Yah,” I said in a shout of a whisper, “Your appointment’s at 10am today. C’mon, you need to get off me and prepare for the day. I’ll get breakfast done and you can go wash up.”

He only groaned in response and mumbled something along the lines of needing 5 more minutes of sleep, but I refused and proceeded to tickle the crap out of him. 

“OKAY.” He said in between annoyed giggles, “I’ll go wash up. You’ll be with me right?”

“Yes I will. I already told you that I would and you know that. I won’t abandon you, I promise.”

And with that assurance did a small relieved smile form on his face as he prepared to wash up while I headed to the kitchen to prepare a simple, yet comforting breakfast to soothe Wonho’s anxious mind. It was not showing on his expressions or behaviour, but going to the psychiatrist was probably a fearful experience, especially when you had to reveal almost every single thing about yourself to a complete stranger.

Hence, I decided to cook a bowl of  _ soondubu jjigae  _ (soft tofu stew) for the both of us to possibly warm our tummies and ease the tension that might be brewing within him. At this, you might be questioning the reason why we seemed to have ready made stock, kimchi and other staples in our tiny kitchen, fridges and cupboards; that was all because of the landlady, Mrs Oh, who was probably an angel in her previous life.

She was the sweetest lady that we had ever met. Despite the fact that we were simply students, she had tidied up the rooftop house for us to the best of her ability, and refurbished it to make sure that it was suitable to be deemed as “proper living conditions”. It did not matter if we did not pay her on time (we never took that for granted though) and she would show up at the doorstep every month with a truckload full of fresh foods and spice staples. She would help us to throw the old food out and replace them with new, freshly bought ones.

In fact, she was like the motherly figure to us and I had actually learnt the recipes from her. Back then, Wonho was of no help in the kitchen and she put him in charge of cleaning duty to ensure that the house remained spotless and clean, and he has never failed to impress her with his cleanliness. For me, I wasn’t a good cook, I was simply a good learner.

I heard the bathroom door open and found Wonho standing there with a grey shirt with sleeves hugging his biceps and a simple pair of black joggers. A white towel was in his hair and he ruffled it so that it could dry and for some  _ strange _ reason, it was a captivating sight to watch. It was as if time had either slowed down, or stopped, as he dried his hair with the towel in a quick messy fashion.

“Is breakfast ready?” He asked curiously, sniffing around in the air to guess what it was before he saw it.

“Not quite, but give it 10 minutes to boil and it should be done by then.” I replied as I stirred the soup.

“Is that all you need to do? Stir?”

I nodded and continued with the act, before he grabbed my hand to stop it and took the ladle with his other hand. With a quizzical look, I asked in utter confusion, “What are you doing??”

“If that is all you need to do, I’ll watch the soup for you. Just go wash up and I think we’ll get things done way faster if we do it that way.”

He looked at my face and laughed, before patting my shoulder in a convincing manner, “Don’t worry Ki. I know how hard you work so don’t worry, I will not burn the soup. I promise. I know that might be the worst way to convince you that everything is alright, but everything will be under control. You will not need,  _ I hope _ , to call 119.”

I furrowed my brows and rolled my eyes at his stubbornness, but knew that he had a point. Therefore, I grabbed my clothes that I needed for the day and proceeded to the bathroom to wash up and get changed for the day ahead. It was indeed going to be a big and draining day, especially when it came to the mental and emotional aspect for Wonho and I.

I looked at the mirror with a blank expression, as if I had no thoughts in my mind at all. The world felt as if it was quiet and peaceful, and for a long time, I had never gotten the feeling of tranquility and serenity. However, it soon changed to an expression of determination and only one thought resided in my mind now.

“Don’t you dare give up, Yoo Kihyun. It’s going to be hard, but don’t ever leave your friend, Shin Wonho. He deserves so much more and you’ll be the one not to give it to him, but to ensure that he’s getting the things that he deserves to get. Keep at it Ki, you’re doing great. Just keep going and it’ll all be over soon.”

                                                                                                             ********

After a scrumptious and hearty breakfast of Mrs Oh’s recipe of  _ soondubu jjigae _ and fluffy white rice, it was time for us to get ready to go to the hospital. Unfortunately, we could not afford to use our money for a taxi, hence we were just about to head to the Gangnam metro station before I received a call from Donghae-hyung.

I picked up the phone and said, “Good morning hyung. Is there anything wrong? Any news on Wonho’s status with regards to the law?”

He only chuckled on the line before replying with a sense of assurance in his tone, “No Kihyun. I just called to say that I have called for a taxi for the both of you so that you don’t need to trouble yourselves with the public transport. I just wanted the both of you to have a stress-free journey to the hospital, especially when you’re going to be sending Wonho-sshi for treatment.”

My jaws hung when I heard his response. I knew he was someone whom I could rely on when I needed it, simply because he had offered his help personally and not just because he was a police officer. However, I never expected him to go to this extent of ensuring that our well-being was in good hands.

“T-thank y-you hyung,” I stammered, utterly lost for words, “I-I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to say right now.”

“It’s alright! Just go downstairs and there’ll be a taxi coming for you in about 5 minutes. I have to get to work now so do let me know if there is anything wrong alright?”

“Yes hyung. Once again, thank you very much!!” And with that, we ended the call.

“Who was that on the line?” Wonho asked out of curiosity as he put on his shoes, tying his shoelaces in a neat fashion and ensuring that all aspects of the shoelaces were equal and tied properly.

“Oh, that was Donghae hyung. He’s a police officer from our neighbourhood police post and he was the one in charge of your case in terms of finding you and tracking you down. Furthermore, he was the one who helped me during the ordeal, and has kindly offered his help to get a taxi for us.”

Wonho gasped at the statement and his eyes widened, “Y-you mean… He got a taxi for us?”

“Yup. C’mon, let’s hurry along now! The taxi’s going to show up soon, he said. Take your jacket because it might get cold later in the day and I hope you have your letter of appointment!”

“Yes mum,” Wonho groaned, “I’ve got my jacket right here and letter of reference is in it. You’ve for absolutely nothing to be worried about!”

I rolled my eyes at his antics and proceeded to lock the door, before nearly pushing him down the staircase to walk a little faster with constant reminders that he will be late if he moves any slower. He was cheeky and attempted to slow down many a time, but I did not let him and he knew better than to unleash the “violent” side of me.

Now we waited at the front of the apartment and looked out for any oncoming taxi that might be ours. There was no talk; just comfortable silence between the both of us.

“Why do there seem to be so many guardian angels looking out for the two of us? Especially me. I mean, we have Mrs Oh who’s like a mother, we have Officer Lee who seems to take care of us and I have you, who’s been sticking by my side for a long 7 years. Until now, I wonder how you did it, especially when there were so many times you could have either killed me or abandoned me.”

I turned to look at Wonho with a small smile and responded, “You’ve experienced enough hell yeah? I guess this is just God’s way of telling you that you can never get a rainbow without a storm. You’ve gone through shit, loads actually, so I think it’s only right if you got something in return. You’re a changed man now, so don’t let anybody tell you otherwise.”

                                                                                                               ********

It was approximately a 20 minute ride to the hospital and we also found out that Donghae hyung had also paid for the trip, resulting in us not having to fork out a single cent. Indeed, he was like the big brother to us and was always there to watch over our safety and well-being when Mrs Oh was gone. It was weird having so many people actually take care of us while we struggle to keep up with the fast paced life, but it was definitely better than not having any guidance at all.

The receptionist gave a polite bow once again and she checked Wonho’s letter of reference before leading us the way to the Department of Psychology.

In a gentle and hushed tone, she said, “I’ll let Doctor Kim know that you’re outside and waiting for him. When he calls for you, please proceed to Room 4. It’ll be the 2nd door on your right as you walk down this hallway.”

And with that, she walked towards Doctor Kim’s room with clicking heels and a confident stance. After she was done, she bowed again to say goodbye and returned to her post at the front desk of the hospital.

The department seemed to be pretty empty, probably because of the timing of the appointment, but it seemed to be that the staff had outnumbered the patients. Some were seen to be buzzing around, going from room to room with clipboards and off-white surgical gloves, some were busy with a couple of phone calls and some were heading to the pantry to get a snack or something to drink just to boost their energy. All in all, despite the many activities that seemed to be going on in the department, the atmosphere was still relatively silent and comfortable in a certain way.

“Mr Shin Wonho?” A low, but resounding voice called from the hallway and we looked up, only to see a man dressed in the same white trench coat as any doctor and the staple stethoscope around his neck. He was wearing a shirt with faint baby blue stripes and paired it together with a simple black necktie and black pants. His auburn brown hair was combed neatly to one side and he had doe eyes, a relatively sharp nose, high cheekbones and the sharpest jaw line there could ever be.

However, he was not your average doctor. One could tell that he was a tiny bit fun loving, especially with the black stud of a piercing that he had on his left ear. Furthermore, it was probably a lie if I did not say that he looked like korean pop star with a “Doctor” for a performance concept.

He had one hand with a clipboard and the other with a pen in his hand, scanning the document and looking at the both of us before motioning us to come to his room. Being the supportive friend I was, I held onto Wonho’s hand and gave it a little squeeze to instill some form of comfort within his anxiety.

“So you are Shin Wonho, or also known as Shin Hoseok,” the doctor said while scribbling some notes on clipboard, “And you are?”

“Oh! I’m Yoo Kihyun! His roommate and friend.” I replied in a casual manner, and took his hand to give it a firm shake.

“Thank you for coming down this morning. My name is Doctor Kim Taehyung and I am the psychiatrist from the Department of Psychology. Please do not worry, as I have had 5 years of experience in this field so you can be rest assured that he will be in good hands.” He said in a tone full of confidence and assurance. I could only nod because it showed that he was confident of his abilities and was more than willing to help Wonho out of his misery.

“First, I would like to speak with Wonho in private and probably do some tests on him. Unfortunately, Kihyun-sshi, you cannot be here with him throughout the process, especially when he’s doing the written tests.” He looked at me and I nodded in understanding, only to get stopped by Wonho when he grabbed my hand timidly.

“Doctor Kim, if you would be so kind, could you at least let him in for the interview? I can’t do this alone. I really can’t… Doctor Kim, you have to understand. Please. I need him here with me. I can’t do this alone. It’s not possible! It’s not possible! I need him, please Doctor, you cannot do this to me!!!”

Wonho was hyperventilating, shouting and seemed to be completely out of reality; like he was suffering from an anxiety attack. His gaze was empty and he began to ramble on about how I needed to be by his side at the speed of a bullet train and at that point, I had no idea what to do. Sure, I looked perfectly calm; as if I had seen this everyday, but I was on the verge of panicking on the inside.

It was a first to see Wonho in this state and it surprised me because he had never ever behaved like this. He had his moments, of course, with the frequent outbursts of anger, but he had never looked so frightened and vulnerable as he brought his knees to bury his face in them, rocking back and forth whilst muttering to himself incoherently.

Also, he refused to let go of my hand and was gripping it so tightly that it had probably cut of all circulation, which explained the fact that my fingers were becoming deathly white in colour. Thankfully, Doctor Kim had come to my rescue straight away, restraining Wonho’s flailing arms and speaking in a hushed and calm tone,

“It’s okay Wonho. It’s okay. You are safe now and Kihyun will be here later alright? However, you need to do some tests first before we move onto the interview. It’ll be very quick, I promise, and then you’ll be able to see Kihyun again. Kihyun-sshi, you will be here right?”

I nodded and responded with a relatively loud “Yes” to make sure that Wonho heard me in his state of chaos.

“Take in a deep breath. Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale… I promise, everything will be alright. You just need to cooperate with us for less than an hour and Kihyun will be right back by your side in a jiffy okay? Wait here,” Doctor Kim ordered, standing up and heading out of the room, “I’ll get him some tea to calm his mind. Just make sure he does not do anything rash and keep his hands restrained.”

I nodded and did what Doctor Kim had done previously. Heaving a sigh of relief, Wonho had finally stopped and he still breathed heavily, but I could tell that he was fully aware of his surroundings again as his eyes scanned the unfamiliar room and studying its features with the eyes of a hawk.

He turned to look at me, before crushing me in a tight hug. Burying his head into my shoulders once more, all I could do was give him a slight pat and rubbed my hand in circular motions on his back to give some form of comfort. There were no tears like the previous times, but it was as if his whole body shook from fear. It was unlike Wonho, whose presence was unnoticeable, but here he was in my arms as vulnerable as he could ever be.

“I’m sorry Kihyun. I don’t know what happened. It just… Why is it like this Ki? Why is it so hard? When did our lives become such a mess? It’s my fault, I know that. I shouldn’t have joined the gang. I shouldn’t have…”

“Shhhhh… It’s okay now,” I whispered in his ear as I continued to hold him in my embrace, “I’ve said this before, but sometimes, things happen for a reason. All of us make mistakes and here you are; it’s over now and you’re getting the help that you need. Whatever has happened stays in the past. Now, let’s focus on the present alright?”

His breathing was a lot more regulated now and Doctor Kim had stepped in again with a tray containing a vintage teapot and cup, together with what looked like butter cookies.

“Here’s some chrysanthemum tea for a calming effect and the tests can be quite taxing on the body and mind, so I’ve gotten some butter cookies for you to munch on.” He said as he laid the fine china gently on the glass tabletop.

“Now, Wonho-sshi, are we ready for the tests? Don’t worry, Kihyun will be right outside,” he looked at me and nodded, indicating that it was time for me to leave, “Rest assured, he will be okay. All we need to do is send him for a blood test, a few written tests and a neurological scan. I will call you back when he is ready. Perhaps you can leave your number with me and feel free to roam around the cafes, gardens and the library at the next block to pass the time. It’s going to take a while so I hope you do not mind Kihyun-sshi?”

“Of course, Doctor Kim. I think it’s only for the best for Wonho’s well-being. Don’t worry,” I said, when I looked at his scared expression again, “The tests will be over and I’ll be back before you know it alright?”

I gave his shoulder an encouraging squeeze and took my leave quietly without turning back to look at him; reason being that it might be hard for him to see me go one more time and I definitely did not want to relive that memory again.

Tears were threatening to cascade down my cheeks for the nth time that week, and he did not need to see that. He could not, or I might just be responsible for making his diagnosis worse. He was a strong person, I believed so and all he needed to do now was to find the will within himself to start afresh. As a friend, I could not give him everything, but I promised that I will be here every step of the way, and that was what I was going to give him.

And that is until everything has been settled. It might take weeks, months, years or a lifetime, but that didn’t matter. We only had each other now and we were going to stay that way until life decides that it is time for a change.


	6. Finding Hope In A "Magical" Garden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Do not be fooled by the title, there is absolutely NO fantasy in this fanfiction. 
> 
> 2\. TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of suicide

At a lost for what to do with the time given, I decided to head down to the seemingly tranquil and serene “Japanese Garden” (at least that’s what they called it) and took refuge on a bench under the biggest tree there could possibly be.

It was an outdoor garden donned with trees filled with red, yellow and orange leaves. Some were falling down slowly and glided ever so gracefully to the ground, while others struggled to hold on for dear life. The sun was high up in the sky, but the heat was countered with the cooling autumn breeze. For what I knew, it definitely did have a calming effect on the mind as I closed my eyes and loosened the tension in my neck and shoulders.

It was not long before I found myself joined by company. I turned to look at the other side of the bench, only to find a girl sitting there; her eyes scanning the surroundings with a smile on her face. She had short, curly hair and was probably fairer than Snow White with her alabaster skin. She had a button nose, relatively huge eyes and wore a pair of black rimmed glasses. However, I could not help but notice how frail she was. It was as if a bamboo branch could cover her arm if I were to put it over.

“Are you here to seek peace too?” She asked in a curious manner. Her voice was low, but it was melodious and unique. She made no eye contact when she asked, but I knew better than to leave her hanging without an answer.

“Not really. I just came here to pass some time.” I replied in a casual manner out of politeness.

“Oh, you’re not a patient today?”

I was not getting suspicious, but I did wonder why she would strike a conversation like that, all of a sudden. I was never a person to talk, but judging by her look, she was no older than 18 years of age. Hence, I decided to give her a chance. Who knows? She might just need some company in this cold and unforgiving environment of a hospital. Furthermore, she was dressed in what seemed like the hospital’s garments, indicating that she was a patient who stayed in one of the wards here.

Therefore, I shook my head and she continued to talk, “Hmm… So I guess you are here for someone then? Usually, people who come here tend to face some kind of stressful situation or situations in their lives. I don’t know; this place seems magical to me. It brings people here unknowingly, calms them and makes them leave only when they have found hope or something to fight for within themselves. It has helped me for the past few months and always reminds me that there’s something to fight for in this world, even if I do not know what it is.”

“Who are you, the Japanese Garden’s guardian?” I asked jokingly, while fiddling with my  fingers, not wanting to sound rude (even though I probably did sound like an asshole).

She only laughed a bright and breathy laugh at the question, replying without offence, “No, but I’ve probably been here long enough to notice the type of people that tend to come here. You’re probably one of the first few people whom I’ve never seen crying or brooding. You look calm, reserved and it feels as if you should not be here. I’m not saying that you can’t, but what I’m just trying to say is that you actually don’t need to be here.”

“I’m not good at expressing my emotions very well actually, so perhaps that is the reason why I don’t seem to be crying or brooding like you said, just because I don’t see the need to,” I paused and hung my head at the next line that I was going to say, “And besides, I can’t.”

She nodded in understanding, but did not speak and for some strange reason, I was compelled to explain more. God knows who she was, but she did give me some company in this ordeal and by the looks of it, she was probably more than willing to listen.

“I have a friend right at the Department of Psychology receiving treatment for suspected clinical depression. Nobody knows the extent of it and I guess we’ll just have to wait and see for the results. Life’s been rough for him and that is basically the reason why I can’t show sadness or pity, knowing that these little triggers will only make it worse for him. I do not want that. He’s a stubborn mule, for a fact, and he might just hate me for taking pity on him.”

“Mmm…” She hummed in understanding, “I understand. I had a friend who suffered from depression and we would do all sorts of things to get her out of it. We would take her out for the movies, desserts, food and anything that you can think of. We tried to make her happy, we really did.”

She took a deep breath before continuing, and her tone grew sadder as she talked. Her head hung low now as she seemed to be recalling memories that she definitely did not want to remember.

“Unfortunately, we came to a very rude awakening that all cannot be saved. She was found hanging by the hanger at the stairwell of her very own house.”

“The worse part was that she tried to call me, but I was not able to save her. I picked up the phone, but had to hang up as quickly as I got to it because of a stupid school project that I needed to get done the next day. Can you imagine how she must have felt; nobody to care for her, nobody to talk her out of her suicidal thoughts… She finally gave up and it was all because of the fact that she could not achieve her dream of getting into the dream high school that she wanted to get into.”

Tears trickled down her cheeks and she wiped them furiously with her sleeves while saying in a bitter, shaky tone, “Look at me crying now. I shouldn’t be because it probably explains why I’m here in the hospital at this point. I killed her, or at least I think I did. I was her closest friend, I knew that, and I could not save her.”

“W-what do you mean? You are saying that you were destined to be here because of that incident? How is that even possible?”

“8 months ago, I was diagnosed with a heart disease that was prone to heart failure if I could not find a donor in time. For now, they have managed to prolong my life until now but I won’t be here for very long anymore, I know that. It’s the punishment that I carry on my shoulders. However, I know that if I die, I’ll be able to apologize for all the wrong that I’ve done. I’ll see her again and I hope that she would forgive me then. That seems to be the only way where I would find peace in this short life that I have been living.”

Suddenly, I felt the urge to bring some hope to the child that sat on the opposite side of the bench. She was younger than me and she definitely did not deserve to be surrounded with these negative thoughts. She had so much to live for.

At that moment, I thought of Wonho’s words, when he had told me that I had always known of the right words to say to the people in need. Hence, I intended to use that to the best of my ability at this point.

“What kind of friend was she before she succumbed to depression?” I asked and she looked at me quizzically, probably trying to find out why I asked her such a question, but she answered the question anyway whilst deep in thought.

“She was… a better than a best friend; supportive, kind, caring and she was pretty inside out. Everyone loved her; she was loved by all the boys and admired by all the girls because of her character, profile and especially her grades. She was a straight A student but she never felt that she was good enough. Honestly, she was such an idiot to think that and let the pressures get to her at such a young age. Her parents were demanding and expected more than that from her. They wanted her to have the most colourful profile, and probably wanted more than a 100 marks if that was even possible. On the strange side, god knows how she did it but she always seemed to be a pillar of support, despite the fact that sticks and stones were thrown at her every single day for not being good enough. She was probably crumbling every single day but she continued to help us when we knew nothing about her.”

“And the fact that you’re living this long, do you think there’s a reason for it?” I asked again and turned to face her with the softest gaze that I could have.

“Well… I don’t really know actually. The doctors just told me that they never expected me to live this long. They always told me that I had 3 more months or less, but here I am, surviving after 8 months, and honestly, I really don’t feel as if I’m going to drop dead tomorrow. I wish I was going to, but my mind does not seem to be coping with my body now. It feels as if it’s telling me that I can hang in there for one more day and it has been feeling like this for quite a while now.”

“What if I told you that it was your friend’s way of telling you that you deserve so much better? And it was her way of telling you that you need to get out of this misery before you are truly free from whatever keeps you here? By the sound of your friend, she sounds like a nice girl and I don’t think she would actually allow you to continue in this hospital in this state.”

Hearing that, she looked at me with wide eyes and a sense of enlightenment as she “verified” the fact once more, “She did tell me once that if she could not live much longer, she wanted me to do all the things that we planned to do together for her. The list was endless,” she chuckled, “it was as if we were planning our lives all the way till we died. I always told her to stop thinking like that, but she always showed off her signature smile and simply told me to keep them in mind.”

“I guess you have your answer then. And besides, nobody as young as you deserves to be here. The fact that you’re living for so long when people tell you that you were not going to is probably a sign of your friend telling you that it’s not your turn to go back ‘home’. You have a lot to do before you do and I’m sure she’s not gonna let you without a fight.”

She sighed at the thought, but I could tell that she was trying to process every word that I had just spoken. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she seemed to be staring intently into thin air with her hands clasped together.

Suddenly, a loud and booming voice could be heard in the distance, “Gong Yoojung!!! Gong Yoojung!!!” And that definitely did snap her out of her reverie.

We found ourselves confronted by a nurse, whose expression was filled with annoyance and she had her hands on her hips. Glaring daggers at the girl sitting on the opposite side of the bench, she continued in a hushed but fierce tone,

“Aish, how many times has the doctor told you that you should not be running around like this? It’s not good for your heart, you know? C’mon, enough of the autumn breeze before you get even sicker and besides, you’re late for your tests!”

“Yes Mdm Shin, I’ll be there soon, don’t worry!!” She said in a calm and relaxed tone, but the nurse seemed to be far from that as she huffed in impatience.

“You know we are worried for you right? We cannot get you back to the pink of health if you continue with your rebellious ways that go against the requirements of your treatment here.” She said in a calm tone, which she must have tried very hard to execute without sounding angry in front of me, a member of the public.

Yoojung rolled her eyes and got up to follow the nurse, but she did not do so without stopping to pass me a can of coffee. She passed it with a grateful smile on her face and only said to me before she left,

“I don’t even know why I bought 2 cans of coffee, but I just wanted to say thank you. Whatever your name is, it doesn’t matter but I think you’ve given me a reason to keep fighting. Your friend is really lucky to have someone like you because I know you will give him hope and save him from his misery; unlike me. He’ll be out of it, I promise,” she paused before she continued with a sense of hope in her voice, “Maybe you really are the person that I had prayed for to give me some encouragement. I wish you and your friend all the best. And for some reason, I hope I do see you again. Sometimes, I guess people are fated to meet, huh? This is the secret of the Japanese Garden.”

And with that, she left while holding onto the nurse’s hand with her right and the can of coffee was in her left. Of course, she continued to berate Yoojung, but it was obvious that she cared for her very much and was like the mother figure in such a lonely and dismal place like this. There was love, concern and hope all around this hospital; in the staff, in the atmosphere and even in the patients.

By meeting her, this was probably to show me that all was not lost. If I could give hope to a stranger, I could give hope to a friend. No matter how difficult the journey might be, I will not be able to be at peace if I failed or gave up. No, I would not and I was pretty sure that I would remember this encounter for as long as I possibly could; Meeting a girl named Yoojung, not just at a simple and serene “Japanese garden”, but what seemed to be like a magical “Secret Garden”.

And that was simply because she sounded exactly like another version of my best friend, Shin Wonho. If I could help her out of her inner turmoil, I could do that for Wonho too.


	7. Time For New Beginnings

**[2 years later]**

It had been 2 years since all the chaos in the first year of our high school lives had happened. This also meant that it was the 2nd year that Wonho had been battling with depression and the inner turmoil that still resided deep within him. It had been hard and the journey unforgiving, but he continued to live life on the edge of a thread. It was unknowing to anyone with regards to when he might either lose control or shut down entirely; like a mad man who seemed to have lost all sense of logic or a living corpse.

Of course, who would forget the day that he was diagnosed with clinical depression? After what had happened at the Japanese garden, I was only called into Doctor Kim’s office 2 hours later, telling me that Wonho had indeed been diagnosed. He had also elaborated with the fact that Wonho could possibly be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or also known as PTSD, judging by his behaviour when he had asked Doctor Kim to let me in for the interview. My expression was probably “disbelief” at that point because it was a possibility, based on my own observations, but I never expected it to become a reality.

However, the test results had been photocopied by Doctor Kim, as he had presumed I would react this way and scientific records never lie; there was no way around it. Sure, it was a thick folder, but I took my time to go through its contents while Wonho answered a series of questions. As I listened to his answers simultaneously, my heart was gradually breaking into smithereens again. I was not hurt, but I could feel the pain, the worry and the shock that Wonho was probably facing at that point in time.

Unfortunately, I had also been asked a few questions, and you can bet that they were difficult to answer. It took every ounce of effort to remain calm; without showing any sense of emotion as I answered Doctor Kim’s questions, probably to go through the answers and verify them to make sure that Wonho spoke the truth. He did, and the look on Wonho’s face tore me apart. I knew what was going through his head; guilt, anger, sadness and most importantly, helplessness.

Guilt for joining the gang in the first place, anger and frustration that these things had to happen as a result, sadness as he heard the results, knowing how difficult it was going to be and lastly, helplessness. He himself knew that depression was not an easy cure, and we had our fair experiences of watching the other orphans go through it at such a young age. We were never involved, but we did witness. Fools we were for thinking that it would never happen to us. We believed that we had one another, we believed that we would succeed and we believed that we could survive this cruel world out there as we stepped out of our comfort zone.

Unfortunately, life did not go the way that we had wanted it to go.

It might not seem like it, but I knew that Wonho still had the memory of our graduation ceremony from the orphanage. It was there, deep within his heart. We had left as young and hopeful teenagers, but 4 months was all it took for everything to spin out of control. Sometimes, I wonder whether it was a wise idea that we left the orphanage because everything was provided for us; 3 meals a day and our own shared rooms. However, we chose this because we felt that we had an even bigger calling out there, therefore, it was only right that we faced the consequences of our choice.

Now, here we were, graduating students from our respective high schools. It had been a tough journey getting here and Wonho had probably been blessed by all the Gods that could possibly exist in this dimension. And the reason was simple; he did not have to repeat the year, which basically meant that his coveted spot in the Korea National University Of The Arts was safe. He had proven that he could keep up with the syllabus and all the content that we had missed because of his tardiness. Despite his own personal problems, he was still able to perform under the pressure and was able to produce excellent grades.

Similarly, it was tough getting back on track, but I was able to catch up quickly in order to be on par with my other classmates. Luckily for me, there was not much that they had gone through during the week that I had went missing, hence, it became way easier to execute and perform what I was good at. The smile, passion and hope that I had seemed to lost rekindled via the support of my classmates, friends and teachers. They were reliable and were always ready to hear me out when I found myself stressed out or helpless, constantly bringing me comfort and getting me to relax via daily jam sessions; we composed, wrote lyrics and sang to our heart's content, simply to get away from the daunting examinations.

Now, the CSATs drew near and the stress was piling up exponentially, becoming a day-by-day cycle. By now, we were probably buried to our eyeballs with the stress from our teachers and society in general. While the rest of my schoolmates headed of to  _ hagwons _ (private tuition centres) which could cost close to 800,000 won a month, we chose to either study at home, in the library with study corners or in the quaint little cafe that we seemed to enjoy. We didn’t know what we liked about it, but I figured that it was the ambience and conduciveness that seemed to make it way better for studying.

In  _ hagwons _ , there was no food or drinks given and the teachers would only watch you with the eyes of a hawk as they did their rounds and inspected the students. In a cafe, it suited us way better because we were not the types of students who could study within a 12-hour block. In a cafe, food and drink was not a worry as those could be easily prepared by the baristas behind the counter, and I guess that it would be an added advantage if your roommate was hired as a pretty skilled barista.

Yes, after much consideration, Wonho had decided to snag the rare position of a barista in our favourite cafe. Of course, he did say that he could find himself sinking into the depths of the abyss due to the environment, however, he had also found an interest and always seemed to have a smile when he was making all sorts of creative drinks for the myriad of customers that showed up at the cafe. In fact, some of the workers had even said that he really helped to promote the business because of his naturally good looks and charm, especially with the ladies.

Furthermore, he was  _ adored _ by the owner, and we were always entitled to free drinks and were allowed to stay however long we want in the cafe just to hit the books. Despite the fact that Wonho and I were in different schools, we took similar subjects such as Chemistry, Economics and Advanced Mathematics. Therefore, we always made it a point to study together and personally, I had made it a point to ensure that he was on the top of his game.

He had missed out much of the first year, and struggled to comprehend the basics of Advanced Mathematics. To him, it was just a bizarre use of letters and numerals and he struggled, but I made sure to push him to the best of his ability. It may sound trivial, but it was always a pleasant feeling to see Wonho smile after such a long time. Indeed, he still had the brightest smile and it could light up anybody’s day. If I were to exaggerate it a little bit more, it would be to say that a blind man could probably feel the happy and positive aura from him.

However, despite the immense stress and pressure that the system had put us through, Wonho would still go for his weekly counselling sessions with Doctor Kim Seokjin, an experienced counsellor in the Seoul Hospital’s Department of Psychology. Time was the essence when it came to preparations and we had absolutely “no time to lose”, but as the wise always say, only the healthy can be guaranteed to do and achieve great things.

Doctor Kim had been in the field for 8 years and I must say that he did not give a very good first impression, especially with his seemingly haughty and self-confident attitude and stature that he brought when we had first met him. At the end of the day, he was highly likely to be the nicest man that we had ever met. He was positive, encouraging, supportive and a man with a smile as the constant; like a walking ray of sunshine and hope.

In fact, Wonho had always reminded me time and time again that Doctor Kim had reminded him of me when he was done with his counselling sessions. I asked him why, and he only said that both of us had gentle and soothing voices, as well as the fact that we always seemed to know the right words to say to someone who just needed some form of support, no matter how small it seemed to be. Honestly, I was more than happy to see him gradually getting better and more open with the counsellor.

At first, you could say that it was a nightmare for Wonho, who was not used to opening up about his emotions or displaying them very much. However, with the constant coaxing from Doctor Kim saying that it was for his own good, he began to open up, little by little and one could be assured that Doctor Kim was always ready to give comfort if his patients got emotional during the sessions.

Once again, he really did have a heart of gold, contrary to what we thought he had. Aside from Donghae hyung, he called us sometimes for invitations to lunch and dinner. They could be simple meals of homemade doshiraks and desserts or they could be extravagant meals at the highly acclaimed Michelin-star restaurants. Believe me when I say that we had tried to convince him to save money for himself, because we were well and contented with whatever we had. However, our words seemed to fall on deaf ears as Doctor Kim would only flash us a kind smile and a nod, explaining time and time again that we deserved a treat for putting in so much time and effort to make sure that Wonho himself gets better.

October; a season of autumn foliage, cool breezes, fresh air and pumpkin spiced foods and beverages. For sure, it sounded like luxury and fun to the children and adults, especially those who could spare just a short 30 minutes to spend time with the family in this beautiful season. Unfortunately, we remained cooped up either in school, in the library or at the cafe to get our studying done. The examinations had already started and for some reason, even the country felt for us. For example, it might sound absolutely crazy and bizarre, but for every paper, our  _ hoobaes _ (juniors) had to pray for us for every paper right outside the school. Of course, the teachers were there to ensure that their welfare was taken care of and that no student passed out during the duration of the respective papers.

It was a gruelling 3 weeks of 3-hour examinations, sleepless nights and late night studying, but the examinations were finally over now. As I took a look around, I noticed the different reactions there seemed to be to the end of the examinations; my friends had bright smiles on their faces as they planned their futures and what they should do over the 11 months worth of break, some were in tears, knowing that they might not have done the best they could. And there were those like me, who just remained emotionally and psychologically exhausted from all the stress that had piled up. It was overwhelming to say the least, especially when it feels as if a great yoke had been lifted off your shoulders.

Of course, I took some pictures with my best friends in school such as Min Yoongi, also known as Suga, and Hongbin, while I said goodbye to everyone else. There was no need for tears or heartfelt hugs, because we all knew that we had a year end party at the end anyway and we would be able to really catch up with everybody there, even those whom we have not seen in a long time.

When I stepped out of school, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I whipped it out, only to reveal that a message had been sent from Wonho. Smiling, I swiped the screen and it read:

_ Kihyunnie!! I hope the examinations have been good for you. Just wanted to ask whether you would like to hang out later in the night? I won’t be free from now till 9pm because of some gathering that I got unwillingly pulled into. :( Trust me, I really wanted to spend time with you and celebrate the end of this ordeal, especially when we have been through so much together. Anyway, I’ll meet you at the rooftop at 9.30pm? The one we stargazed at? I’ll try my best to get out of it as soon as possible. _

As I read the message, I felt my lips curve up into a smile. It was good that Wonho had his own group of friends and even though I had no idea who they were, it definitely sounded way better than his responses when he was with the gang. I replied with a simple smile, and headed off to my personal favourite cafe near the school, choosing to take refuge there for the time being.

It was only there when I saw a familiar figure. His broad shoulders still remained the same but his gaze was fixed on the people outside; they were mostly students, chattering excitedly about the fact that they had ended their examinations and survived the daunting year. I smiled when I noticed how unaware he was, deciding to give him a little surprise. I was blatant about it, refusing to hide myself, but he still remained as blind as ever and never spared a glance.

“HYUNG.” I said in a relatively loud voice, while slamming both hands on the table with a cheeky smile on my face.

Indeed, he really did jump out of his skin at the sight of me, but only broke out into a chuckle when he saw me.

“Kihyun-ah!” He greeted, proceeding to pat me on the shoulder, “Aren’t you all grown up now? Good job on graduating high school! With all that you have been through, I am proud of you. Come, take a seat, let me get you a drink.”

He stood up and got out of the booth seat, refusing to listen to my rejections on his offer. I rolled my eyes and glared daggers at him as he queued up with a mischievous smile and winked. Undoubtedly, I cringed on the inside, but I knew that I could not do anything about it. Hyunwoo hyung was persistent and will never rest until he has achieved his goals, which explained why he was always so successful.

As I waited, I noticed the pile of notes that had been strewn messily all over the table. As expected, he was doing a double degree now; one majoring in Contemporary and Modern Dance, and the other was a major in Arts Management. Indeed, Hyunwoo looked like your typical jock who seemed to give nothing about his studies, but he was a certified genius and him going to Seoul University was already evidence.

Soon, he came back with a mug in his hand and said, “Here’s some pumpkin spiced latte for you to celebrate the season of Autumn, and to celebrate the end of your examinations! Better to have it now, especially since Winter is coming up soon.”

I thanked him and reciprocated his smile, blowing on the top of the liquid as I brought it to my lips. True enough, its warmth seemed to pass through my fingers and brought me to an instant calm when I could smell the fragrance of spices in the mix. It did not sound too appetising, but it was a whole different experience altogether.

Silence ensued for a little, before he asked again in a curious tone as he typed on his computer furiously, “So… Any plans for the future? Where do you plan to go?”

“O-oh…” I stammered, “I’ve been accepted in Korea University Of The Arts. In fact, I was accepted 2 years ago, together with my friend, Wonho-sshi. I will be majoring in the Visual Arts, focusing on Photography, while Wonho-sshi will be majoring in Contemporary Art, focusing on paintings, sculptures and its studies.”

Hyunwoo looked up from his laptop screen immediately and gawked with his jaw hanging. I thought nothing of it and it was probably dead obvious with the blank look on my face and he only asked with shock and surprise evident in his reaction,

“Do you know how difficult it is to get in Kihyun-ah? It’s where the rich and the talented go, and for most of the time, these people are the true artists. Sure, it has a reputation for having students and their parents pull the strings, but the school is also known to be one that humbles their students and teaches them well, making them forget of their social status.”

I sighed in relief when I heard it and he only proceeded to ruffle my hair, to my utmost confusion.

“Congratulations anyway!! Are you free for dinner tonight? It’s been long since I’ve seen you and I do really want to catch up with my favourite  _ hoobae _ . Will you have some time to spare?”

I looked at the watch on my wrist, and it was only 6pm. There was plenty of time before I was going to meet Wonho, so I nodded and he looked absolutely delighted with a huge grin on his face; his smile practically going from ear to ear.

“Great, just give me 15 minutes to finish this assignment. In the meantime, you can drink your latte and think of the places that you would wanna go or even try. Meal’s on me, no questions asked.”

                                                                                                           ********

At the end of the day, Hyunwoo had decided to go for a Korean Barbecue restaurant. It was nothing fancy once again (because he knew how I would have felt), but it was a typical eatery right at the roadside. These restaurants were particularly known for their handmade sausages, intestines and _ samgyeopsal  _ (pork belly). It was always fresh and seemed to be seasoned with magic due to its tastiness and succulence as one enjoyed the meat.

“Do you drink?” Hyunwoo asked, while he was rambling onto the waitress about what he wanted to be served at the table. By now, he has ordered two servings of  _ samgyeopsal _ , one serving of large intestines and a plate of sausages.

I shook my head and he laughed, mumbling how I should try it one day. Hence, he settled for a bottle of a cola and a bottle of  _ chinsung _ cider as beverages to accompany our meal. It was customary for us to drink  _ soju _ (Korean rice wine) with barbecued food, but I decided against it due to the fact that I did not want to push either my luck or my limits.

Luckily, we had the cool autumn breeze to accompany the night as it would have been disgustingly warm in these kind of food places. The ambience was casual, warm, friendly and all the more comfortable. Usually, these stalls had relatively fierce waitresses and waiters, but this one was different. It had waitresses with constant smiles on their faces and there were adorable  _ ahjummas _ (aunties) who came to make small talk with us, especially Hyunwoo hyung. In fact, they probably admired his status, mannerisms and physiques, probably thinking how they could make him his in-law.

Indeed, Hyunwoo hyung was the perfect guy for anyone. He had fantastic grades, a colourful profile, seems to be successful at whatever he does, affluence and most importantly, he was a gentleman with great manners and innate kindness. I had met Hyunwoo hyung’s parents a couple of times, and seeing them made me understand why they had such a lovable son. It was clear that they had brought him up to be a model child, without giving him too much stress and allowing him to do what he wanted for most of the time.

They trusted him, and loved him to bits, but also disciplined him through words, talks and company alone. No violence was used or any other negative alternatives, they were all for the greater good and Hyunwoo had grown to become a calm, good-natured and modest young man. Unfortunately, there were times when I envied him because that was what I had always wished for, but never got it in the end.

Why was he always blessed with such great, intangible things, and continued to be? Wasn’t God supposed to be fair to all beings? Why was he getting so much, and others getting so little?

These were just some of the few questions that went through our minds.

However, as the night went on, Hyunwoo hyung and I had talked about a lot of things under the sun. I shared about how I had been coping with Wonho and what goals I had for the future. As for Hyunwoo hyung, he shared of his current university experience and prompted me for what I was to be prepared for. According to him, it was an unexpected journey and he had given me advice to follow if I were to face the same thing.

Unfortunately, I had lost track of time and it was already 9pm! I was in Dongdaemun now and I was supposed to head back to Gangnam! I stared at my watch in horror, before grabbing my cup of icy cold cider and gulped it down as fast as I can.

“Woah woah… Slow down! What’s with the sudden rush?” Hyunwoo asked, jaw wide opened when he saw me chug down the beverage and eat my remaining servings of meat.

“Sorry hyung… I really need to go. I was supposed to meet Wonho at 9.30pm in a building at Gangnam. I can’t remember the name of it, but I surely do remember how it looked like, or at least a certain landmark.”

I was all flustered now, but Hyunwoo seemed to understand my concern, and hurried a waitress for the bill. There was no time for credit cards or even debit cards, so he resorted to cash and even encouraged the waitress to keep the change, even if tipping was not our custom. At that, he motioned me out of the food stall and we brisk walked to the car that was parked a mere 10 minutes away from where we were now.

“Don’t worry Ki,” Hyunwoo said in a tone that was full of assurance, “I will try my best to get you there in time. I know the route can be pretty congested, but I have a few alternatives up my sleeves. C’mon! We have no time to lose!”

                                                                                                             ********

It was 9.40pm when Hyunwoo had finally got me to my destination. He scanned the surroundings with concern, obviously because this building was in a secluded corner of Gangnam. In fact, a sound person might not even think of coming here, especially in this time of night. There was an expression of worry on his face, and he was clearly about to ask if this was the correct destination, but I only nodded and had already gotten a text from Wonho that he was already waiting for me.

Hence, I got out of the car immediately, remembering not to forget my valuables and coat and of course, thanked Hyunwoo hyung profusely for such a great catch up and meal. It was probably written all over my face that I did want to pay him back, but he only flashed his signature smile again, before waving it off and pretending that he did not hear a thing about me wanting to pay him back for the meal.

Taking a deep breath, I was practically running to the elevator, only to find that it had already been shut down for the night. Therefore, I had no choice but to run up the stairs to the rooftop. It was about 8 floors in height, and that was a force to be reckoned with if one had the exact same fitness level as I had. I was definitely not the same as Wonho, who was known for his gymming sessions and muscles for rewards. Like I had mentioned before, I was  _ far _ from it.

At the final flight, I was probably seeing stars at that point, only to have the fright of my life when I saw the shadow of a figure leaning against the opening of the rooftop.

“Aish, I know I was late but it is  _ very _ late now so please, you know I have a weak heart, you son of a bastard.” I scolded in between huffs and puffs.

He broke out into a fit of laughter at my expression, but came over to drag me up the last flight and said, “Thank god I didn’t buy ice cream. I would have needed to buy 20 sticks knowing that you would be late and it would all have melted. It’s Autumn, but that doesn’t mean that the weather is exactly kind and cool, you know?” 

“Shut up old man.” I retaliated, with a roll of the eye.

To my surprise, I was greeted with a sight that I had never ever seen before. Of course, there was the twinkling stars, gleaming moon and the spectacular city lights but I had never expected a picnic mat held down by 4 candles on either corner. With it lay 2 portable speakers and a box of what looked like cupcakes sat by the side. Wonho smiled as he led me to the mat, and motioned me to sit down.

It was pretty strange at first, especially when we were on such close proximity with the most romantic lighting, but it only took a little while before I grew comfortable again. He was my best friend after all, and a roommate, so why should I be awkward anyway? In fact, I probably had every right to be comfortable in Wonho’s presence. For once, he was relaxed and looked as if he had thrown down all his worries and doubts from this place. Yes, there were times we came up here to shout out our worries, only to crouch down and snicker whenever we heard of an angry resident lamenting the need for sleep.

“Here, I bought you your favourite cupcake. I know it’s something that we don’t eat very often, but considering that this is one of my first paychecks, I felt that it was only right to give you a treat for everything that you have done for me.”

My heart warmed immediately at his words and I listened to him continue, “Apart from contributing to our rent, I saved some money every single day just so that I could accumulate it and give you something that I should have given you a long time ago; appreciation.”

“Kihyun…” He said, pausing for a moment, “I don’t know how you deal with shit like me, but I am grateful that you did not give up on me, even when I gave you so many reasons to abandon me and move on with your life. Your presence gave me hope and something to live for. Honestly, I don’t even want to think where I would be without you and I doubt I would have been here if it wasn’t for you. You are strong, brave and someone whom I admire beyond words.” 

The smile on my lips curved wider and wider, and soon, I was probably grinning from ear to ear. For the past 7 years, this was probably the most sincere and the most true that I had ever seen from Wonho. However, he was not as emotional as he was the last time. Instead of him crying and bawling his eyes out, he looked as if he was grateful for letting out all the words that he wanted to stay. Wonho was stuttering now, struggling to find other words to say about me.

God knows what came over me, but it was as if it became second nature. I had put an arm around his shoulder, pulling him closer to me and eating my cupcake as we looked at the stars together in silence. As usual, we broke out into friendly laughter, with Wonho hitting my shoulder again and again telling me that I had broken his train of thought.

“Honestly, you don’t have to thank me for anything or even say anything. Actions speak louder than words hyung. You’ve  _ clearly _ shown how much you’ve appreciated me and I can say the same for you, no matter how much pain you had caused me. In the end, we only have each other, don’t we? We are here now, and that’s all that matters.”

Suddenly, two beer cans seemed to have appeared out of nowhere and Wonho handed one over to me, inviting me for a toast. I was hesitant, but he only placed it in my hands after popping the top off and smiled reassuringly, as if he was telling me that he would take care of me if I ended up dead drunk on the floor or in the streets.

“To us?” I asked, and he laughed, correcting me instead, “It’s more than that, to our friendship, new beginning, future and life ahead. It’s not gonna be easy, but let’s make this count shouldn’t we?”

I wiggled my eyebrows a little, wondering how Wonho could think of such words all of a sudden since he was always someone who preferred to keep to himself and when he talked, he was clearly a man of few words, exuding manliness everywhere he went.

With that, we made a toast and our beer cans gently tapped against one another, before we took a swig of alcohol into our systems. It was my first time drinking, and honestly, I was glad to be able to do it with a friend, especially with a person like Wonho.

Now, it was time to put the past behind us and look ahead to what our futures had to offer. Nobody knew what was held there, but it sure wouldn’t hurt to find out and experience it once the time was here.

 


End file.
